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41-50,
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writes: Hello everyone, well I'm getting married in a month. My fiance has proved he's not cheating. Of course I still have trust issues. But that's not the problem today. My problem is he is a little selfish in bed. Whenever he wants sex or a BJ, he gets it. I might be in the mood but its really up to him and when he wants it. Everytime we have sex he gets a BJ. But in the seven years we have been together he has only given me oral sex maybe seven times. He says he hates it. Sometimes he likes rough things and I go along because he likes it. I love sex. And sex with him is wonderful. I love him. But after seven years together is there any changing this? Could I some how get what I want once in awhile?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry anonymous that your going through the same thing. So you know how I feel. Its not the fact that he dislikes it so much. I would never want someone to do something they don't like. I don't love giving him a blow job however I love pleasuring him so I enjoy it. I just wish he cared more that I'm pleasured too. I hope that makes sense. Yes it is something we should talk about. And Tisha yes he is going to counseling with me. Its really helping. To earn my trust back he is not being secretive about his phone. He tells me who calls or texts him. And is being honest.thank you all for your advice. It really helps me. I can't talk to my mom about him because she doesn't like him. But she's still coming to the wedding. Thank you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Funsize, how did he prove he was not cheating? I'm curious to know what he said, did or demonstrated to you.
As for the sex part, don't do what you don't want to do in bed, just as he doesn't do what he dislikes. If you can be happy with that status quo for the next 30 years, go for it. Otherwise, you are stuck where you are. If you feel like a beggar and he is treated like the king, well....
How did the counseling go? My guess is that he weaseled out of it!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 April 2013):
 SEX with him is wonderful? Really?! Tthen why are you complaining about it? Because it’s either WONDERFUL or NOT…. I will tell you that my sex life sucks. I miss oral sex. I will never have it again. And that sucks.
You have trust issues with a man who is not sexually satisfying you.
I know you are going to marry him in a month no matter what we say but I really want to strongly advise you to rethink it.
So He’s a little selfish in bed. You give him sex or a BJ when he wants it. DO YOU WANT to have sex with him or give him a blow job when he asks? IF so, then that’s not a problem.
YOU MIGHT BE in the mood? What happens when you say no? or are you afraid to say no (not a good thing)
Do you give him blow jobs because you like giving them? IF not, then STOP giving them. STOP NOW before you get married or else he will call bait and switch.
What you say to him is “I’ve been doing all these things for seven years and I realize now that I’m not doing them because I want to but rather because YOU want me to. We have come to an impasse. Unless you start doing things you don’t want to do (giving me oral) I will have to stop doing the things I don’t want to do any more including rough sex and (list the things you do that you don’t want to do). He may save you the heartache of leaving him and leave you instead.
I do not do things in bed I do not want to do. I give my husband blow jobs gladly. I like doing it and will do it any time he likes that fits in my time frame.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): You say 7 years, for me it's been 2, and the situation is exactly as you described it, sometimes other ways just don't cut it, you just want some good old fashioned oral sex from your bf.
Sadly, I can only give you one tip a friend gave me, but I haven't tried it myself because it still isn't the same: it's like a plastic wrap to put down there so that he could do it without actually touching your bare skin, some come in different flavors..
I don't know what else I could advise you as I am in the same spot.. Only thing is I did hook up with someone else once, and it was great for me to finally experience all that I have been missing out in that department, but it was just a one time thing..
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Honestly I don't believe in "making" others do things (sexually especially) that they don't like to do.
However if you are not satisfied, you need to address that. And there are usually more ways then oral to get satisfied as a woman.
YOU choose to give BJ's and so forth to please him, but that is a choice YOU make. Now if you DO it to get him to reciprocate then you NEED to verbalize that demand/negotiation. Not just assume he will return the favor.
Maybe find other ways for him to please you?
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