A
male
age
36-40,
*heels1
writes:Me and my fiance had been together for nearly 4 years. 2 weeks ago she asked for a break, then 7 days later broke up with me. No sign of loveloss from her though. There was no discussion about our relationship and no real problems before this, through thick and thin we had stood strong until now. She claims she needed to find herself and figure out if she is IN love with me or just a friendship love. Needless to say im devastated. Does she have cold feet?
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a break, broke up, fiance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 August 2010):
 How long are u willing to wait for her? It make take her awhile to find herself and make sure this is what she wants in her life right now.
A
male
reader, wheels1 +, writes (16 August 2010):
wheels1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe had been dating for atleast 2 years before i asked her to marry me, I have found out it is mostly cold feet, shes scared to make a mistake. So im giving her plenty of space. As much as she needs, when shes ready to talk i will be waiting. And she knows how I feel her friends have been giving her info on how I have been doing. She says she needs to find herself, so be it. I hope she does, if im going to marry her I hope she gets it out of her system now and not when we are growing old together. And I have been reassured by multiple people that it is not another guy at all. That I am sure of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): Read the book "He's scared, She's scared" to find out if she seems to fit the commitment phobia profile.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): 4 years is a long time. Did she appear to be unhappy for any reason? If none at all i would say that perhaps it was cold feet. Give her some space and then definately try and get an explanation. It'll be doubly hard to try and move on without it.
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A
female
reader, J/K  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Hmmm, that whole story is fishy. Something is definitely amiss. But what you should be grateful for, inspite of the pain, is that you are not married to this person... with children...and she decides to pull this kind of stunt on you. At least you can now step back and analysze things, examine yourself and know what signs you can possibly look for to avoid having to go through this amount of pain again. And please... don't be bitter, it would just rob any new love you find again of the magic that is having a soul mate.
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (14 August 2010):
How long had you been seeing each other before you became engaged? And had you started making plans for the wedding and set a date or were you 'drifting' along?
The relationship may have lost momentum and she may have really started to question what she wanted. Not that it isnt you but about marriage and such.
Much better she broke it off. It's been a short time. There may be discussion about it with her - let her know you still want to get married and why - if you do. Tell her u support her decision to think - if you do.
Maybe you will get back together - if you dont - be glad that it was as clean as it was.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): If you had absolutely NO sign whatsoever this was coming, then there is something amiss. People rarely do things like this unless they are emotionally lost or they find someone else. Nobody is that strong to just end a relationship for no concrete reason. THe former would have shown itself (depression, problems in life, mood swings, etc). I would suspect there is a 3rd party involved, but that's me.
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