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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, my boyfriend and I have been going out for nine months and...I still feel a little distrustful of him though because I had a past abusive relationship and I am still not comfortable with him and I find that I get more distant from him even though I've seen him every day this spring break. I feel like we don't have that much in common or aren't compatible even though when we openly communicate we are great, but a lot of times I feel like I can't trust him with my innermost feelings or I feel like he's not ready to handle a person like me. I want to ask for a break, but I don't want to break up--I don't know what inspired this shift, but I guess it's because we don't live near each other and now that we spent more than six hours day after day with each other, I find it's getting less fun or I see more of the negative in him than positive. I find myself worrying a lot about what I say to him before I say it and afraid he'll use it against me. He is a genuinely good person, but I think this fear stems from my lack of experience with guys (he's only my second boyfriend) and feeling a little trapped with him, but I also want to think about this more before asking for a break because I don't want to end up missing him and calling him while on my self imposed "break". Does anyone have any advice? I'm really confused as to what to do to give me space but not hurt him or break up with him.
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Your past abuse is holding you back from this relationship. You need to start talking to someone who can help.
A great way to start is calling the national domestic violence hotline. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224. They can offer resources in your area to find what you need. Hopefully you have a support group available where you can find the strength and closure to your past.
If he is a good guy he will understand you are trying to get over your past and give you the time and space you need to sort out your emotions.
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