A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel im having a mid life crisis at 22 years old, i know this sounds so dramatic but i never even noticed until my brother said it and said he had one the same age too. I have being with my boyfriend now for 5 years in november, hes 35.... hes had a problem with cannabis since he was 11 and although he isnt a heavy smoker of it he does rely on this. He quit when we first met as he was too paranoid but after a year this soon stopped and surely i started with him because i couldnt beat it so i joined it (stupidly). Im getting to the point now i actually feel im having a mid life crisis, my dad has recently being diognosed with prostate cancer and i think this is what triggered my ''is this it'' question of life but i just feel so trapped. i try to talk to my boyfriend about things going on in my life and when i arent happy with us i try to explain this so we can change things around. He is the clingy one of the relationship and i love him dearly but i cant help get so frustrated with him. he is kind and funny and has helped me through many painful eras of my life but most the time when i first start to talk to him about these things he instantly thinks the problem is him.... when i say i arent happy (wanting to change things around) he says well you obviusly want to leave me and changes my problems into him when usually there not or there twisted if they are.... this has always being the case in 4 yrs but i only noticed this recently, maybe because it annoys me so much but why does he always turn the problem around to him, we have being on and off for the 5 years but usually its off because he does this and it is easier just to leave him than to attempt to talk to him. i joked earlier saying i feel im having a mid life crisis in which he assumed i wanted to leave him again, i explained again i didnt but is this really it with life? we get up, go to work, get home, get stoned and go to bed... sometimes i just feel like a women he lives with and cleans up after him then others he is my best mate but lately he doesnt feel like my boyfriend... and altho this may be to do with a assualt incident with me nearly 2 years back and we do struggle in the sex area after this but even then i just feel tied down with him. sometimes i get a bit flinchy when he touchs me but again this is his fault as i dont want to be anywhere near him anymore when usually its cos hes creeped up on me, why does he do this? its so tiring.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): wow dorothy, your a pro, seem to have hit the ball on the head. thanks for your advice i couldnt get my head around why he was being as he was and your short and sweet advice has given me a few answers, many thanks xxx
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 April 2012):
Hi there. It might be time for you to move on - without him.
It's all up and down, isn't it?
Whenever you tell him what's worrying you, he might be feeling like you are "dumping" on him.
By "Dumping", I mean dumping your problems on him.
When you smoke cannibis all the time, it definitely does change your moods. It can even lead to depression, which is hard to deal with, plus always feeling negative.
He probably is already feeling that his life is going nowhere, and then you start talking about your problems, and so he starts to feel emotionally overwhelmed.
And so he takes it personally.
When you have problems in your life that are constant, and someone else starts talking about their problems, to the one you are telling about your problems, it just seems like yet another thing to deal with.
Unlike if you were telling your problems to a happy, well balanced person who was enjoying their life to the full, you would get a whole different reaction!
Telling your problems to a person who was always happy and positive, would be a whole different ball game. They might actually be able to support you emotionally. And perhaps offer some helpful advice.
With the guy you are currently with, he's just NOT in a place where he can offer you that kind of support. He just feels overwhelmed. He's flat out trying to sort out his own life, let alone help anyone else! He's probably struggling with his own life, I'd say.
He's probably what you would call a fair weather friend. Which means, he's ok when things are going well in your life - no problems. Otherwise, when you do have problems he can't be of any assistance to you whatsoever.
He instead, gets upset with you and thinks you are trying to blame him for your problems. In other words, he just CAN'T handle that kind of pressure. It's too much for him.
It's partly because of the cannibis habit of his, and partly his personality type.
You are both in a rut at the moment. Not much variety happening.
It doesn't seem like he's going to change anytime soon, does it?
It's already been 5 years, didn't you say?
And as you are probably already aware, the past usually predicts the future.
Which ultimately means, more of the same!
Is that what you really want? The answer seems to be "NO".
You have some serious decisions to make.
And in doing so, you must do what feels "right" to you.
And you must be totally honest with yourself, when you do this.
Follow your heart and listen to what it is telling you.
...............................
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