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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi AllSorry for the long and random post.......I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend for just over two years. I'm feeling really confused and guilty about the doubts I've suddenly had about our relationship. We are very much in love and he is the most caring, loving, understanding and selfless partner anyone could ask for. I've felt blisfully happy, but over the past few weeks I just feel as if something is missing and I have no idea what it could be. I don't feel excited when I see him anymore and sometimes I feel like I don't want him around me anymore. Then I feel really guilty and upset about thinking like that because I know how devoted he is to me. I'm annoyed with myself because I realise how lucky I am to have him, as my last boyfriend became quite abusive to me. We are still intimate and don't argue but I'm starting to feel bored, we never do anything new together. I have tried talking to him but always end up getting upset. I dont think there is anything he can do to change, it is as if something in myself has died. I dont know how to make him understand something I can't understand myself. The only reasons I can think as to why I may be feeling like this is because I am nearly 20 but have continually been in a long term relationship from the age of 16, I went from an abusive partner to my current one with only a few months in between. He helped 'fix' me and love him so much, but I'm worried I dont know myself very well as I have never really been alone. My self esteem is also quite bad, I can seem quite confident and am always being told I'm attractive by my man but I feel ugly and can be quite shy sometimes. I don't like people looking at me for too long.My boyfriend is very supportive and trusting which means I still have a lot of independence - I have my Uni life, go out with my friends and am moving in with mates in a few weeks, without him. He gives me space, but I feel like despite all this I rely on him too much to make me happy.I am feeling very unhappy at the moment, and really want to stop feeling this way. I feel like the most ungrateful person in the world for sending this message, and I probably am. I don't want to make the biggest mistake of my life by distancing myself from him, and will do anything to make it work. Has any one else in a similiar situation ever felt this way, and what did you end up doing?
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 It sounds like you have outgrown him....He was there for you when you came out of a very bad relationship..he picked you up and dusted you down but you have moved on.You are still young and the world is a big and exciting place with full of opportunities...meeting new people.You feel guilty that if you finish with your boyfriend he will be badly heartbroken....maybe he has noticed that something is wrong.What you might need is breathing space...a break to see what you really want.I would never recommend on staying with a bloke out of pity,it never works.What makes you think that only him can make you happy when he isn't?...I think you have made your mind up already.
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female
reader, camille +, writes (22 June 2006):
 You are very switched on and know what's going on. You may find these feelings are guilt as you may feel you owe him as you feel he 'fixed' you. Everything you said makes sense. The reasons why etc. You have a lot to be thankful for with this man, but maybe you are ready to move on and maybe now is the time to be brave and be alone. Work on your self esteem as until you do, you'll find it will be repeated in every subsequent relationship. You say you'll try anything to make it work, but I'm wondering why. You are still only 19. You have never been alone. I think you'll have a better idea what you want when you get some space between you at Uni, so maybe see how it goes, but don't keep him holding on if you actually think you're with him for the wrong reasons. Beware that you don't see him as a saviour. You can love someone but it doesn't mean it's right or going to work. He osunds like a great man but you have been hurt and need to deal with these issues. Who knows, if you seek counselling, there may be a way to be with him and feel confident in yourself and the relationship. Good luck.
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