A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I am in a predicament. I am in a relationship of about a year and four months. We were friends a few years before getting together. Due to circumstances after a few months of us dating I moved in with him because I had nowhere else to go. We had a loving relationship from the beginning. I was happy. I was in love with him. We built a small cabin together and bought my car with both our money. Over the last few months, I have gotten very short with him. I am frustrated with everything he does or says. He is coming off as needy I feel. He is always trying to play around, or tell me he loves me every little while. Which is great and all but I just get frustrated having to say it every thirty minutes. I think my main issue is sex. He doesn't indulge in foreplay with me. And he needs to. I have tried countless times to get him to understand that this is something I need. Every now and then he will make effort. But I still don't get mine if you know what I mean. He always does. He drinks a six pack every night which is fine whatever he's grown. But then he goes to sleep so we don't have sex. But EVERY morning he wakes up with a hard-on and wakes me up at all hours of the morning from 4-10 am (we don't sleep very well), and BEGS for sex. That's a major turn off for me. And I literally mean EVERY morning. I am so aggravated with him because of this!!! He sleeps more than I do. I sleep better the few early morning hours. For example, this morning. 5 am, begging me to let him do it. 6 something. Same thing. I tell him no I'm trying to sleep. I am sick of this!! Then 8 something, I'm moving around. He starts asking for a blow job. I say no. Well what about a hand job. I say no. He acts all mad. I am fed up with this sh**; I just feel it's a little immature. He is older than me too by like 13 years. I'm 21. Anyways. Now this guy who comes into work sometimes and is across the street a lot, we had an hour long conversation last week one night after work (about 8 pm). Him, I, and the manager from across the street. It was so refreshing. The day after we started talking to each other on social media. It is clear we have cchemistry. He is 26, owns his own business by himself. Very sweet and friendly. Everyone loves him at my work. He has invited me over multiple times. I told him the first night that I lived with someone, but I think he misunderstood so must not have taken it as me having a boyfriend? I don't know. I like this guy a lot. I do want to hang out with him. But I am not the type to be unfaithful. My sister said I could move back in with her if I leave my boyfriend. But he will take my car, it is in his name. I will already lose money on the down payment and material for the cabin we built. But 70% of the money for the car was my money, but his dad, a mechanic, did repairs. My boyfriend also pays the insurance on our vehicles. I am at the point of wanting to move back to my sister's house. But I don't want to lose my car, or hurt my boyfriend because I do love him. But he's a mama's boy and I don't want to live in his parent's backyard all our life having to go up to their house to get ready for work, shower, do laundry, or cook. I feel like I live under their roof or rules. And I never had to do that my entire life. So I am uncomfortable overall. I don't know what to do! I am terrified to try to leave. Please give me advice. I need wisdom.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 July 2016):
 Sweetie your head is all over the place, but I really don't think this relationship would have been okay if nobody had come along and showing you some attention. The relationship you are in sounds like hard work, getting woken for sex during the night is not acceptable, he does not care about your feelings, he was smart putting everything in to his name, because now he has a hold over you. Still staying in a relationship just because of a car is not a good enough reason. Yes off course you want to be able to go to work and have a life, you don't want to move in with your sister, but do you want to be stuck with this man living in his parents back yard? He has you where he wants you, he is abusive towards you, he only cares about himself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2016): Original Poster again. He was being nosy. So I cut my last comment short.The only real issue with the car now is the weather strip piece under the passenger door came off so the floor gets wet when it rains a lot. Other than that it had 87,000 miles when we bought it and it's my age. I'm now at like 103,000 because of going to work and back. So it's in good enough shape. He doesn't need the car. He has a small sports car and an antique Chevrolet, and a yard work truck he gave to his dad, and a motorcycle if he needed it. The least he could do is give me my car. I will already lose out on the cabin including the fish tank that only I have invested money in. The other guy I don't want to rush into anything with. He did talk yesterday after I got off work off having a roommate to split bills with whether dating or not dating. But I don't look at that as an option. I would rather stay friends, continue talking, see where it goes but in a reasonable amount of time. No rushing.I hate to move back to my sister's because that's where I lived before. And her and her husband argue. She doesn't love him. Blah blah. And they have an almost 3 year old who I love to death especially because I raised her for four or five months by myself, and a 1 year old. It makes me nervous to move back. Like I can't make it on my own or something. But I deserve to be happy.I struggle with wondering if I only want to leave because someone gave me more attention, and if I leave would I wish I hadn't? I don't know. It's such a hard combination of feelings and thoughts to have.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2016): I made a joke one time about going down the street and sleeping. He laughed and said in what car. He also made a joke one time that he would call the cops and report it stolen. When we are around his friends and I say something about my car, he always laughs is says yourrrr car?? Like it's his or ours. Which I mean it is ours but it is my car. I'm the sole driver. I provide my own gas, I bought the new tires, I just had the window fixed. All my money. None of his.Him drinking a six pack doesn't so much bother me because my ex that I was with for like over two or three years (on and off some at first then apart a while) turned into a verbally abusive alcoholic that drunk like a 32 pack a night. I live in the south, drinking is a normal and ritualistic thing around here. Everyone does it just about. I don't drink at all though. What bothers me is him using that as his excuse for us not having sex at night at one, a reasonable hour, and two, when I can enjoy it too or want it. Not 4,5,6 am in the morning. His begging for me to give in to be honest not only aggravates be but it PISSES ME OFF. I find it a little disrespectfulThe car had repairs at the beginning because an old lady drove it and it sat under her carport like 5 years. We replaced the old stuff and it's been a champ since except for a blown tire anda clip that broken on the window. Both oof which I paid for to fix.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2016):
 You need the car more than he does. Let him keep the cabin, you keep the car. Sounds fair to me. Tell his dad that you will pay him for the repairs but I doubt he would charge you. If that doesn't work out, sell the car and split the cost between you two. Although the priority should be the car. Leaving is your last resort. Tell your boyfriend that if he doesn't grow up, be more considerate then you will be all "business" with him. Or you can even move closer to work and share with roommates. A car that starts with repairs mean more repairs in the future, after thousands and thousands miles of driving. Especially in the winter time the car ages real fast.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 July 2016):
Why are you so sure he will keep the car? Do you think he is that spiteful? You need to sit down and talk to him about this. Tell him how you are feeling, tell him you are not getting sleep, and that you are wanting some space. Move in with your sister, ask him to transfer the car over and take it from there. You cannot stay with him just for a car. Your happiness should be more important. Surely you can see you are living with an alcoholic? I am sure you can do better for yourself but for now move in with your sister and be alone for a while. Don't jump straight back in to a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2016):
 So negotiate with him? Tell him you are moving out, that you wish the car to be transferred into YOUR name, you will take care of insurance etc, and in return you won't ask for ANY of the money you put into the little "love-shack" in the back yard.
See what you can work out.
You say he doesn't realize he is doing anything wrong, I disagree.. IGNORANCE is not an excuse.
Have you not told him SEVERAL times to NOT wake you up for sex? That you NEED to sleep to function? Pretty sure you said you had, which means he knows... he just doesn't care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): He doesn't realize he's doing anything wrong. He isn't used to living with someone or having to consider other people. But that's no excuse for not trying to make an effort. I try to understand but I can't.
It's not as simple for me to give up the car because of not only monetary investment, but I drive 60 miles a day to work. I live 30 miles from work. My sister's house is about 30 miles in a different direction. If I lose my car I have no way to work.
On my other comment I meant to say that it is in his dad's name but they have the same name. * Apparently I left out the word. Lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): Tell him you want the car and its insurance transferred over to your name. Its yours so he should readily agree, if not maybe best to leave sooner rather than later.I dont think you should stay with him any way, he seems to just view you as a sex toy that shares the bills.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 My advice to you is to kiss the car goodbye and any money you may have put into building the cabin. Go and live with your sister, make sure you pay to help with costs of food and utilities etc, and decide if you need to save for a car first or somewhere to live and then save like mad.
I wouldn't be rushing too fast into a relationship with the new guy in your position, you need to concentrate on getting your life back on track, not on jumping from one man to the next.
Take some time out from relationships, spend some time working out how you got yourself into your current (bad) situation.
I think it is more important to get out of where you are than to worry about a car or the money you have invested in the cabin, if your current partner give you some money to repay, or gives you the car consider it a bonus. If he DOES give you the car make sure you have the ownership and insurance changed into your name.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (18 July 2016):
My advice to you is to kiss the car goodbye and any money you may have put into building the cabin. Go and live with your sister, make sure you pay to help with costs of food and utilities etc, and decide if you need to save for a car first or somewhere to live and then save like mad.
I wouldn't be rushing too fast into a relationship with the new guy in your position, you need to concentrate on getting your life back on track, not on jumping from one man to the next.
Take some time out from relationships, spend some time working out how you got yourself into your current (bad) situation.
I think it is more important to get out of where you are than to worry about a car or the money you have invested in the cabin, if your current partner give you some money to repay, or gives you the car consider it a bonus. If he DOES give you the car make sure you have the ownership and insurance changed into your name.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2016): Original poster here.
The car is paid off. He just pays the insurance. It's in his name because the old couple that sold it to us had only had it serviced by him since he's a mechanic. They signed it over to him, but he and my boyfriend have the same name. He just pays the insurance because all the cars (his three and my one) are under his policy name, but I am on the insurance as well for my car.
We had intentions on adding on to the cabin to build a laundry room and bathroom. But it doesn't change the fact that one we haven't done it yet and two it will still be on his parent's property. We live on the back of the lot. They live at the front and his brother has his house right beside his parents on the same lot. They are a close knit family and his parents are older so he fears leaving them and losing them. But he is an adult and so are they. He gives them money every month to help them and also gives his dad his paycheck and his father sends off the money for our cabin payment and car insurance. But my bf could be independent and do that on his own. It bothers me. I would like our own house. And to not worry about his parents. They are grown they know how to take care of themselves.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2016):
I'm sorry I'd let him have the car and GTFO. You BF is 34 but acting like a horny teenager pestering you for sex and treating you like a walking sex-toy.
And a 34 year old who lives in his parents back yard.. in what? His old play-house?
As for the money you put into the shed/cabin unless you have receipts and tell him he needs to "buy you out" (which I doubt he would) it's pretty much money you have lost, just like the car, specially if it is registered to him and there is no written dual ownership or paper-trail that shows you payed XX into it.
I get that you don't want to lose the car, but it sounds like an UTTER nightmare living with this man-boy in his parents backyard, with no bathroom, kitchen or... running water.
And I agree a 6 pack EVERY night sounds like an alcoholic.
I'd take my sister up on moving in with her in a heartbeat. But I would make sure there are some clear rules for everything when/if you move in with her.
As for the "new" guy - don't. No hanging out or what not. DUMP this loser of a BF first, then TAKE some time being single before you start dating again.
LEARN from this crappy relationship so you do no REPEAT that again.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 July 2016):
The small cabin is in his parents' backyard? Are you saving money for a house then?
If possible, sleep in different bedrooms and lock the door. Your sleep times have to be respected.
It sounds like you work better as friends. Not saying break up but he needs to stop taking you for granted. Courtship is a life long thing and that's something a lot of men don't understand. They think that women would be in the mood at all times just because a guy says he wants a relationship and I love you.
6 pack a day is considered alcoholic. He sounds content with the living arrangement and hopefully sex on tap. This is certainly not what you sign up for.
He says he loves you but it has to be the way you want to be loved too, not just loving the idea he got a younger girlfriend who shares living expenses, a bed, and not wanting her to leave.
How much longer is the car payment?
Living in a small cabin with an alcoholic is undesirable. This is not a time to entertain thoughts with a new man. Figure out how you can get out of this financial situation and start over with the least amount of debt. I already know you learned this as a lesson of not doing whatever's suggested to you. Such as the cabin idea and the car being in his name. Like you, I am very suggestible and too cooperative for my own good. Maybe you can sell the car after it's paid off, if your boyfriend (soon to be ex) is not an asshole.
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