A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend LDR use to enjoy to each other's company. School started and well we both got busy which I knew was bound to happen. Last week, we got into a huge fight because he has a tendency to hide his problems from me or anyone. He has been really depressed because of stress at home, work, friends and school. I found this out a couple weeks back and had to pull it out of him for him to tell me. Same with the problems he had last weekend which I made worst by not being more understanding. I understand he has alot going on but so do I. He doesnt call me by the pet names he use to call me any more, or goof off like we use to, or make plans for the future like places we'd liked to visit; and when we talk on video phone when he sends kisses it feels automatic and he looks elsewhere. In the middle of January, I had asked if everything was alright, and if he had any problems with me. Thats when I found out about all troubles he was having. It got better after I asked that.He is doing the same thing again. And I dont know if I should ask him again. I'm afraid I will come off too needy or insecure. He has changed alot and I know its because he is busy. But even before, when we both had a lot more on our plate, we had the best time. I liked to tell him that the little time we set aside for each other I'd like it to feel special. Please help, should I tell him how I've been feeling?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear redneck9407 and Moo's Mum, thank you very much for reponses they helped alot. I did talk to him and told him how I was feeling. He said he didnt realize he had changed that much or that he stop calling me pet names. He doesn't know the reasons why he stopped. He still doesnt know and trying to figure that out. In process, I learned something that I was doing something that bothered him. I did tell that whatever is wrong that he needs to work out, I would be here waiting patientely. And Moo's mum you are so right it does take alot of patience. Thanks again you both and best wishes!
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Unlike us women who have a great need to discuss everything to the 9th degree men prefer to think through their problems in their own heads. We tend to feel a problem shared is a problem halved but men are problem solvers, they will analyse a thing from every angle and not tend to talk about it much until they have it worked out in their own head first. Wht I find works best with my husband is to say, "I know something is bothering you and I just want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk about it and if it's to do with me could you tell me soon so I can work on it." Then I leave him be and believe me sometimes this requires A LOT of paitence. Once I had to wait a whole month before he finally told me what the problem was. In the meantime I just carry on and be my normal cheerful self with him.
Maybe this approach could work for you too??
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A
male
reader, redneck9407 +, writes (14 February 2010):
You should be open with each other. I do believe that you should ask him but just make sure that he understands that you are worried about him and want to make sure that he is okay. However, if he rejects the invitation to vent then just assure him that you are there for him if he needs to talk. Don't be to pushy. If this continues then there may be more going on then what he is letting on to. I do think that it would be helpful to let him know how you feel as well. Just try not to over whelm him.
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