A
female
age
30-35,
*pl
writes:i am apple and im 19 years old i am feeling so lost inside right now. there was a guy (let call him beb) he was my classmate in elementary grade 3 till 5th grade he left in our country when we were 6th grade and his family live in Wisconsin this guy had a crush on me but i ignore him after. after 5 years his first cousin (lets call him Langga) have a vacation here in Philippines and then we fall inlove but our relation only last for 7months coz im mad at him he dont understand me thats why i find another guy his heart break! anyway back to this guy beb he had a vacation here 3years ago and he become my twin boyfriend but their relationship dont last i dont care anyway. here's my problem. beb came back here last month on May 19 he ask me to come with him together with our friends also named K and C. he told me theirs a girl they meet that like him he told me that he will introduce me to this girl as his girlfriend so i said yes just to help him. we drink that night and i feel so uncomfortable but after and hour i just go with the flow - we kiss he said " your the girl that i cant reach and now were here" of course i dont believe in him. after a couple of days we text he call me till dawn. one time we hang out again we drink with K and C but we have our own trip that night we sleep in the same bed and we had sex - sex with no commitment! i feel like wtf? i was carried away coz he was so handsome and hot! now he go back to wisconsin we chat we talk - i am falling for him but he dont trust me coz he think i will hurt him like i did to his cousin. i swear to god im true to him when i said "im falling" he so numb i dont know he tell me words so sweet but he end it now. i dnt know our status its so complicated but the worst thing of this is i had sex with him! its killing me! i feel so lost beb is numb he deleted me on his friendslist on facebook i want to hate him but i cant. please help me! i always cry coz i have no one to share this problm.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 33girl  +, writes (29 June 2010):
Dear Apple,
Sex means different things to different people, and it sounds like the encounter you had meant very different things to you both. You are entitled to your feelings, even if beb does not understand them. It sounds like it might have been your first time? Bear in mind that you still have and will always have the right to refuse sex in a relationship until you feel the relationship is meaningful enough for it (or you are married, if you believe you should wait until then). Your past is your own business, and if you fall in love with someone else, the encounter with beb does not make any difference whatsoever. The new guy will need to wait until you are perfectly happy with the idea of sex with him.
As for beb, well, at the moment, it looks sadly like there is nothing happening there and you should make a mental break, grieve for what you had and might have had, cry, hopefully laugh, and in time you will be ready to fall in love again. Sex with you is the most precious thing you can give, and it still is, for your future loves! He hasn't taken anything from you even though he has been insensitive and thoughtless. You have nothing to be ashamed of, I hope you let go of him very soon.
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