A
male
age
51-59,
*bguy0
writes:Hello, I seem to be troubled with my g/f and mostly our sex life. We've been together for almost 8 years and just had our second child. I love her very much and thought about marriage several times. We had great sex were both of us were satisfied. We would have sex several times a week. When she was pregnant with our first child things started to change. I feel like our sex life died with the birth of our child. She wasn't in the mood hardly at all, she would give oral sex before pregnancy at least 2x a month and now I'm lucky if it will be 3 times this year. I have to do all of the initiating. As far as in having intimacy, we will be lucky if we can get to double digits. I understand that having kids can make her change from nursing the youngest, to cleaning up the oldest by feeling tired, exhaused, and everything else that kids can do to you. I'm not trying to sound like I'm demanding sex, but she asks me to help which I will and have done anything to help, laundry, cooking, cleaning etc. She makes it sound like when I help with everything that will leave more time for sex and she won't be exhaused, but nothing ever happens. I don't expect sex because I changed a diaper, or gave a bath or cooked dinner. - that's part of being a parent/in a relationship, but without even getting a little attention of any form of sex, even fondling would make me think she's still attracted to me as HER MAN, and that would satisfy me. What some kissing and hugging in bed before going to sleep? All I ask for is something to strenthen the bond between us even if it's only once a week or every other week at least you have a good feeling about the person. I have been feeling lately like I should find other women to satsify my sexual feelings, but I don't want to hurt either of them. No women should be used for sex. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Being a guy its perfectly natural to feel this way. My BF wants sex all the time. Anyways the point is that you have been with your wife for eight years now. You should understand her in a way no one else can. She surely is overstressed and if you pressurize a female for sex or even give her the slightest idea that you are doing it all for sex, she would think all you want is sex and you dont care about her. So a piece of advice would be when she is looking after your children, tell her how wonderful she is at mothering, hold her hands, praise her, kiss her softly. When she feels appreciated by you, she wouldnt think all you want is sex. Then before going to bed, just rub your hands in her hair and tell her how pretty she looks, softly start kissing her on her neck, women love it, then move your hands in her clothes slowly and do all the action. but remember take it slow. show her your romantic side first and then move on to your wild side.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): I was extremely tired after my two children and did not feel like sex at all. My husband did help around the house but I felt like everything he did was in order to make me less tired in order to have sex, there was always an end point which was to satisfy him. I just wasn't interested and wanted to be left alone for a while to watch tv or just lie and read. What Teacake has said about massage is a really good idea as long as you massage her a number of times expecting nothing in return so she feels comfortable that it is all about her and she can relax without thinking I am going to get this for 30 mins then I am going to have to perform. Being really tired is the overuling thing in this because it just takes so much out of you physically looking after two v young children especially if getting up at night is involved. I was like this for 5 years and my husband had an affair mainly for sex and then left me with two small children. I wouldn't take him back. The more you push a woman for sex even in subtle ways the more you will push her away if she doesn't genuinely feel like it. I think with 2 small children you may have to accept that it will be like this for a while.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Have you talked to her about this? Please don't go astray for another woman. Maybe there is something deeper going on. Has she put on some weight after the kids? Maybe she doesnt feel attractive anymore I've heard of this happening. Or maybe her hormones are out of wack. I really think you should talk to her about it more. You sound like a good guy. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (2 December 2008):
 Do you massage her often? Sometimes a woman needs her man to help rid her body of physical stress. After a while with you giving so much to her she will feel more in the mood?
Its hard to say what is going on since none of us are there. Just realize if you look elsewhere for sex, the marriage is over and there is going to be drama, lawyers, custody etc.... a lot more stress and no doubt no sex at all in that future. Think though what would happen if you started seeing other women and your wife found out.
See what you can do to relieve her of as much emotional stress and physical stress as possible. THat she is rested is helpful big time. Men are lucky, the can enjoy sex even if they are in a coma.
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