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Feeling insecure...feeling fat...help me not feel so many things!

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Question - (8 August 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 9 August 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Okay, i'm going to explain this more clear so people won't get confused, sorry. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 months. SOMETIMES when i'm not with him i can't wait to be with him in his arms but *sometimes* after awhile of hanging out like few hours or more i don't want to be clingy. I think some of it has to do with i feel so fat from gaining about 10 lbs. or a lil less so i don't want to be touched or it's too hot and when it's too hot it usually changes peoples moods and the only time this really happens when i don't feel clingy/close after awhile is when we're just laying there for a long time. I mean it would get boring. If we are gone somewhere obviously i would love to hold his hand. Sometimes when we kiss there is a spark well alot of times or it's those kisses that sorta take your breath away and other times i feel like i don't wanna kiss when he kisses me. Some say it's normal and then others tell me he's not right for me. He is amazing though. He is one of those very few good guys that are hard to find. Sometimes if we hang out for awhile like all day it starts to feel like a friend but maybe that's because in the past i couldn't be close like that with many and laugh and stuff because they treated me bad. I mean your boyfriend can be your best friend and boyfriend. I don't know. People say really think about my feelings. Well that's just it i don't want to hear that. I want to hear if this is normal because some say it is like i said but i don't know. Thanks! =]

View related questions: best friend, insecure, spark

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A female reader, SweetInnocence +, writes (9 August 2006):

SweetInnocence agony auntOk, first thing first. STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF AS FAT. You are not, you are just bigged boned or my favorite, PLEASNTLY PLUMPED.

No right now you are going through some mixed emotions and you dont know how to deal with them. You need to find yourself and settle. Be happy with who you are. When you find that inner happiness then you will be able to express your feelings.

Yes its normal to feel the way you are feeling, at some point in time i felt so in my life and i lost the guy that i had because i was like i switch. " ON AND OFF"

My advice start loving yourself and pray to God to find that inner love. Then you need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know what you are going through, if he really likes you he will try to understand. Maybe if you both talk how you feel in the relationship , maybe things will change.

And yes your boyfriend could also be your best friend, but dont blow it cause you may not loose just a boyfriend but you may also lose your best friend.. Think about it..

So thalk with him and let him in.

take care babygirl :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006):

It sounds like you are a normal young woman. You are struggling with self esteem, self worth issues.

Gaining that minimal weight seems to only intensify your insecurities.

The best way to address any concerns when it comes to your feelins and thoughts is to have a good sounding board.

May I suggest seeing an individual counsellor. Just try it for several weeks. The counsellor can reassure and direct you in the way you need.

Having good supportive friends is also a help.

We cannot help you not to feel. A counsellor can better help you how to deal with the emotions you have and better identify what they are and where they come from.

Take is easy and go slow.

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A female reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):

girl its normal youre justin love and you dont know if he loves you thats why you are so insecure go to the gym and excercise and try to tell him and see what he says try to spend sometime with him but not all the timeso its normal!

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