A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need help with coping with some shame and guilt feelings. I used to fantasize big time about having sex with my younger sister. It never happened. I was never crazy enough to make any move. But I still fantasized to the fullest extent. No limits. I am now touching 40, and when I think back how dirty I had been in my thoughts, I get overcome by shame and guilt. I am writing here to ask for advice on how to cope? Also, is it normal to have such thoughts about a family member, or was realy a sick pervert? Thanks. Below are some details and background.I have been very sexual since my early childhoold days. I think I was 6 or 7 when I started to play sex games with my sister. I remember that my sister, 3 years my junior, had some urinary tract infection. And my mom would put her in her lap, take off her pants, and spread her legs wide and then spread her pussy to show other women for some advice etc. My sister was probably 3 or 4 at that time, and I was not older than 6 or 7 years old. So no one thought anything of that, and no one cared if I looked on as well. That image of my sister's legs spread wide apart got burnt onto my image. Later, when we were still very young, I and she would crawl under the bed or under a blanket and play with each other's private parts. I remember that I always like touching her. During that time, I think we were still around 8 or 9, that we visited my aunt for summer vacation, and somehow I, my male cousine (my age), and her sister (two years our junion) got engaged in playing sexual games. It involved her sister being naked. I remember that we got so involved in that, that we attracted attention of my older sister (six years my senior--that would make her about 14 or 15 years old at that time), and she caught us. [Moderator's note: Removed potentially disturbing / sexually explicit story with details of underage children's sexual play.] She then left, and that was the ONLY sexual encounter with my older sister [Moderator's note: seeing the sister's behind]. It never got mentioned to talked about EVER again. As if it never happened. But I carry the memory with me to this date. Later on, when I was about 12 or 13, I accidently walked on my younger sister (she must be 10 or 11 at that time), and I saw that she had her pants pulled down and was wildly squeezing and rubbing her pussy with her both hands. She was so into it that she didn't even notice me walkign in. It was summer and the ceiling fan was on, so she couldn't hear my foot steps. I just stood there and watcher her please herself. I left after a couple of minutes. That image became the foundation of countless more fantasies about my sister in years to come. It all stayed pretty doormant untill I was about 22. I read a story on internet (back then, internet was only available in universities on unix terminals) which was all about incest between a brother and sister. It was very well writtne, had a very reality driven scenerio, and that story sparked my full fledged infatuation with my sister. I started to openly fantasize about her. But NEVER made any move on her, or gave her any indication. Even though, I tried a few times pretendign to sleep in the same bed with her, and accidently move my body part (leg or arm) "closer" to her etc. But it was all very harmless and never to give any indication. I stopped active fantasies about her when she got married about 12 years ago.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): I'm not sure whether you will read this, but I was in exactly the same situation. It was my brother and me. We were both too young to know that what we were doing was "wrong". But I enjoyed it - it felt good, so I didn't stop. The fantasies were also enjoyable, but as I got older, I began to relise that something wasn't right, and my brother did too. One day, when I was feeling really ashamed, my brother said to me "lets break it off", I remember knowing exactly what he meant, and I said "O.K".
We are still good friends - in a brother and sister sort of way, it's as if it never happened. But both of us know now what we did, and we will feel ashamed about it once and a while - but it's over, and I will never do it again.
I hope knowing that there is someone like you out there helps.
I am Othello.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Getting guilty about a thought crime? Whether it is really a crime is debatable. Life is too short to be worrying about such things. Stop fighting with what you are or were. Accept yourself as you are. Can you expect a six year old boy to make a decision about what is right and what is wrong? It is not your fault at all that you got hooked on to that. Be proud that you didnt do anything in real becoz, though it is debatable whether incest is morally wrong or not, you avoided a lot of troubles by having that self control. Be happy for that and enjoy life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): i dont mean to sound nasty.
But that story about your younger sister with the fan is 100% sick. Being attracted to anyone in your family is not right, although people do it. I think they feel more and more bad about the situation then do it again so the guilt goes away, promise themselves that they wont do it, but they always do.
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A
female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 see a therapist?
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