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anonymous
writes: My partner and I haven't had sex for nearly 6 months now! I had a baby a
couple of months ago and my partner says that this is why he has lost his
libido. He has said that he doesn't see me in that way anymore which makes
me feel really ugly and rejected. I'm really frustrated and depressed.
Please can you help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, F, writes (3 January 2005): Hi,
As the father of three girls, I empathize with you, believe it or not. After my third daughter was born, I truly felt like walking out, since I saw myself as literally the fifth wheel. Everyone was getting attention but me, and I wasn't sure of my place anymore in the home. Fortunately, I got past this.
I've heard it is a hard adjustment when men realize their wife/lover is now a mommy, who dotes over her baby. If your husband was in the delivery room, he also has the image burned into his brain of a child coming through your labia, and the resultant blood/mess involved. I vivdly remember inspecting my first daughter on the warming table, and glancing over my shoulder to see the doc standing in a puddle of blood sewing up my wife's apesiotomy(?) with large arm flourishes! This is meant in no way to diminish your sacrifices during delivery, but there is certainly an impact, albeit visual, on the father.
Try talking to your husband, and assuring him that you love him and know that you have every confidence in him as a father, and how proud his child will be of him as he grows up. Rereading your letter, your baby is only 2 months old, so give yourselves a chance to adjust to your new situation. I'm sure your husband has not lost his love for you; you may try to entice him by doing the unexpected, or becoming more aggressive. Oral sex is a very intimate act, and whenever my wife offers it to me I'm reminded how much she loves and wants me. If this is uncomfortable for you, perhaps you have other, more personal ideas and techniques, so as to reawaken his feelings for you as his lover, so that the three of you can share a happy home where everyone gets the proper amount of "attention".
Caongratulations and best wishes!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):
Spice things up. Get into a more fitness figure through GYM or sexy wearing
might catch his eye, improvise really. If all else fails and your husband
said he doesn't see you the same as before, well you can do things what you
guys did before you had the child to remind him the good times and then
hopefully things would heat up once again. Of course we cant ignore the
possibility that a man is getting some elsewhere that is why he doesn't feel
the need for it. But of course if you trust him enough than there is no such
thing going about. Its just that part in life where sex isn't really much of
an importance but being a parent is. Give the kid to the grandparents a few
days and get yourselves into gear and mood and see if that is the case.
I hope my advice would prove of any use and may you find the guiding light
to the answer you seek~
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