A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just wondered if anyone has any advice for feeling lonely. I'm a 32 single female and it does not help that I am new to the city, and also very shy. I don't know anyone here and am an introvert so I find it really hard just to go up to people and make friends. I'm so lonely and depressed that I cry myself to sleep every night, because I am so tired of the loneliness. Today it was this amazing,beautiful weekend and I had no-one to go for a walk with, so I stayed all weekend in bed crying and wishing I had a friend. I am also depressed because my partner of 4 years left me for another girl at the end of last year and that hurt so much. I try so hard to forget about him but I can't get over him. I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him. I lost our house, because only his name was on the mortgage papers and only he could afford to pay the mortgage after we broke up. As a result I also lost my lovely dog because I had to move into a tiny room where I am not allowed to keep a pet. I also lost some money, which I never got back from him because he says he does not remember me paying for the washing machine and oven. And I also lost all my friends, as all my friends were his original friends so of course they're all on his side. And to top it all off, we still lived together as housemates for 2 months after he ditched me (I had no choice, had to stay at my job until the end of my contract and had nowhere else to live). During those 2 months I came across his emails to his new girlfriend where he totally slagged me off, made really hurtful comments and even spread lies about me (like exaggerating about the amount of wine I drank) and making fun of my depression (which HE caused!!) and making little jokes about putting arsenic in my food to cheer me up...as if it is so strange that I was depressed when I lost the person I loved so much, and my house and my dog! Those comments in his emails to her hurt more than everything else and I feel so much hurt and resentment still. It was like a stab in the back to discover that his smiles and promises of friendship were just hypocritical two-faced lies.I moved to Exeter a couple of months ago but as I said, I am so shy (I am also from abroad so feel a bit self-conscious about my accent)and I don't know anyone here, don't have friends to go out with or talk to. And I am going out of my mind because I so desperately want to talk to someone. I so want to talk to people just to get away from thinking about my ex boyfriend which makes me even more depressed. I don't know what to do. Please help me if you have any suggestions.
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broke up, depressed, money, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Accept your depression and the bad judgment you have exhibited. Since your lover has discarded you he merits no more pining. He ended the relationship and then proceeded to speak ill of you. He appears to have cheated you and thrown you out of your house as well. Perhaps, a solicitor is required to set you right on your rights in this matter.Were you living common-law and helping him while the home increased in value during your stay there?Ruminate on the lessons to be learned from this state of affairs and try not to repeat them in your future as life is short.As the other people have advised go outside and try to meet people in a setting that you will find non-threatening. Congregate where other people go to meet people like yourself. Night school classes, meetups (http://www.meetup.com/cities/gb/d4/exeter/), charity events, workplace that you find that adds to your well-being. Perhaps, you can approach one of your former friends' girlfriend and ask them to help you out in this endeavour.Regardless, posting here is a first step of your self trying to adjust to the new reality of your life. Your survival instinct will kick into higher gear to get you to be that outspoken person that will connect with others to cure your loneliness. Don't despair. You will overcome this in time. Just be sure to go outside to meet others and remember to just be yourself.
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Its simple, try something new. Also get out of the house, I make sure that I'm out for atlest 4 hours a day (not including work)
Join a club and slowly get to know the people in said club. There are your new friends. Don't stop there though, try several new things and see where they can take you.
If you are introverted (like me :) ) Join an acting class or a social group to help you learn to come out of your shell. (if you are a strong introvert like I am, don't overdo it as you will just get tired of the people)
Its a slow process of undoing what has been done to you.
As for your ex, have a good cry and let him go, soon enough you will meet someone better
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 You're grieving about what you've lost in your guy, and grieving about the life you had when you were with him. It hurts worse because he left you for someone else. It's normal to grieve, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.You may still feel like you're in this fog, but I would suggest thinking about who you were before you met the guy in the first place. Do you have hobbies or interests? Do you like to help out charities by volunteering your time? If there are things you like to do, go out and do them. If you like museums, or athletic activities, go out and enjoy them, and you'll meet new people. Above all, don't sell yourself short. Just because your guy was an idiot doesn't mean you are any less desirable. His putting you down was an attempt at making himself feel better about the choice he made. Your lonliness won't last forever, I promise, if you let yourself finish grieving, and explore what makes you unique and awesome. You will get your groove back!
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