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anonymous
writes: I am a 'recovered' alcoholic, regularly attending AA meetings. Recently an attractive women joined the fellowship, and, not having had a relationship for over 10 years, I fell head over heels for her. Now her AA sponsor has told me, quietly but firmly, me that she is herslf vulnerable and needs space. I fully understand this. But feel devastated nevertheless. I desperately need someone to love and be loved by, but now I can't go near drink, my options for meeting a suitable person seem ever more restricted, and approaching 50, I am ever aware of the biological clock ticking away...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Connie, writes (14 March 2005): As an individual in recovery it is important to remember how vunerable you were during the first year. Recovery is a time of healing and personal growth, plus, aquiring insight. Love requires two individuals to accept the other and continue personal growth independently and toward mutual goals. First, if the woman is in her first year of recovery then she is vunerable and as a person who has progressed in their recovery you should understand her plight. Falling head over heels with a recent aquaintence sounds like you are still dependent on people or substances for feeling love and positive emotions. Deal with the desperation of needing others before attempting to have a relationship, as desperation and need indicate unhealthy, doomed outcomes. When you seek another because you want to share in life with a partner, dating options include internet dating websites where you can request contact only from others in recovery or non-users, newspaper ads, phone dating services, and walk-in dating services. AA is not a place to look for a partner as the focus should be on maintaining and supporting each other's sobriety. If you are using AA in this manner, your reasons for attending fellowship meetings are faulty and perhaps you should attend a group specific to males. Lastly, unless you intend to have children and in this case there are several options, biology does not dictate that one must marry or be in a relationship by a certain age! Good luck and focus on your recovery!
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