A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is finalizing his divorce him and his wife have been separated for 2 years I wasn't the reason they separated...dating him only 8 months...they were cordial and when i came in the picture she has gotten Ridiculousy crazy!!!! lots of drama on her part I haven't been involved she keeps involving me literally stalking me, calling hanging up, showing up, sending my songs like baby mama by fantasia in a card.... she found out where I lived and popped up at my house I think she followed me home or something... sends me text messages saying we don't have to like each other but be respectful, then send me text messages saying I am this and that and I am trying to fill her shoes (i usually get that when because Idon't respond to her) when he has his daughter I am not around....thats their time together...she tells their 5 year old to call me skank and told her that her dad loves me more than her. she is 35 I am 23 she always says she is a classy educated black woman and holds she has a degree over me and I can't compare I am not trying too .... yea i haven't contacted ever...I met with her on her request so she can "get to know me" ..they go to their final court date this week I haven't gone to any other hearings BUT HER BOYFRIEND who she moved in 2 months after dating 6 months ago has been attentive to all hearing and mediation...i get a certified letter requesting me not to go to the final hearing from her that would be disrespectful and she hopes I understand... I am tempted to go now... i get she could be upset at age thing, and she has made few jabs about my race she is black and I am half black/mexican. SHe has said he is dating me as a trend because dating yellow skin/latina girls are in and I am an sin because interacial dating is a sin. i don't like drama AT ALL... She has a man who she lives with WHY is she trying to ruin my relationship? should I go to court?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): She is just human. Regardless of how the relationship was working, her husband just left her for a younger, probably more attractive woman. I'm sure, from all of the melodrama in this post, that you would be hurt too. You have to tell her that she is bothering you and making you feel uncomfortable. If that doesn't stop her, save the records. Buy a camera. Save the calls. Save the notes. The evidence. As for the daughter - regardless of how "the ex" may feel about you, it is unacceptable for her to tell the child that you are a skank and that "daddy loves you more". Speak with your partner about this. If he truly cares about you then he will force his wife to stop. Also, I advise you to be careful to treat the child with respect. I hope you don't wind up looking like "the whore that stole daddy from mommy". Let the insults go. Just speak with "the ex" and your partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): No you shouldn't go to court, it's none of your business.
Stop cntacting her, stop responding to her, why are you playing this game with her?
Don't play the innocent here, you have been responding to her and yes you are in contact with her.
Listen if you wanted her to stop doing this then you could have warned her to stay away from you. But you haven't, so that means you like this, because honestly if you didn't you'd make her stop.
You see if someone was doing that to me, I'd save all the messages, I'd take photographic evidence of what she was doing. I'd record calls everything then I'd warn them not to contact me again ever. If they did I'd get the police involved.
Stop playing this woman's game. Who cares why she's doing it, you're doing it too because you see it's a game to both of you. You're both battling it out over a guy.
So either stop playing or stop complaining, it's very easy to stop someone harassing you but no police officer nor any judge is going to take you seriously if you keep playing along and responding.
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A
female
reader, thunderkat +, writes (9 February 2011):
First have you discussed this with your man? How does he feel about all the drama? If he is ignoring your feeling about all the harrassment then there is something more to it. People get divorces and alot of emotions come out during the process. Some even end up retreating to each other for emotional support, sexual reasons or just a means of staying friends (for the kids). Honestly what ever the case is you are uncomfortable so he should be uncomfortable. If you find that you cant deal with the situation now beware it is not going to correct itself. That is what stalking laws are for. Harrassment and intimidation is against the law. The longer you stay in a situation like this, the harder it is to get it to STOP! Document everything and take action start by communicating your feelings to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011): god, what a nightmare for you! The way that she is behaving is competitive, ridiculous, and immature. She clearly has a huge problem with your relationship with her ex, feels threatened and diminished by you, and is consequently doing everything she can to upset and undermine you.
Unfortunately, you have to put up with her in your life because she and your boyfriend share children together. so the question is: how do you deal with her? I'm afraid the only way is for you to be incredibly grown-up. Don't be drawn into fights with her. Don't let her upset you. Don't retaliate or talk back to her. Certainly don't be drawn into a competition. Keep your contact with her to a minimum (no more unnecessary meetings - she's met you now and you're not a show pony to jump when she clicks her fingers). Go about your own business in a quiet and graceful way, and when you do have to cope with her, deal with her with impeccable politeness but distance (imagine she's a difficult client). If she starts being disrespectful, say (very calmly) 'I don't think this is appropriate' and walk away from the situation (and I mean physically - get out of there!). Be polite, but always cut straight to the chase, and don't get drawn into small talk. Remember, someone can only disrespect you and destroy your self-esteem if you allow them to get to you.
Don't go to the final hearing - she's asked you not to in a formal manner, and it's simply picking a fight to attend. It's no skin off your nose to skip some deadly boring court proceedings, and you'll come out looking exceptionally classy! I suggest you spend the day doing something more productive, and meet your bf afterwards outside, looking stunning!
Once the divorce is finalized, don't let her dictate to you. Make it clear that it is indifferent to you whether she likes or hates you, that you're willing to treat her with respect as the step-mother to her kids and that you expect the same in return. Be firm and strong and you will win this one hands down AND your boyfriend will really respect your ability to handle the situation in an elegant fashion.
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