A
female
age
30-35,
*ennyj123
writes:Began I relationship with a boy from a very young age. We lost our virginities to each other and were beyond in-love. Due to our age and him wanting to 'be a bloke' and hang out with 'his boys' and the pressure of us having to get on with our lives eg him moving country not too far for work we are no longer together. We have been on and off for about 4 and a half years. But the love has always been so intense and passionate. Every once in a while we meet up and spend a night or two together and have really emotional loving sex and tell each other we love each other and then he leaves and we don't speak to each other for a while. I always think of him and he makes my heart hurt. I feel hopelessly bound. Do I just try and get over him? What so I do!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2013): This situation is obviously making you unhappy so you owe it to yourself to give him an ultimatum. All or nothing. It will be so difficult but you can't carry on as you are if it makes you unhappy so you need to be brave. Best case scenario: he will realize what he is losing and you can be happy with him.Worst case scenario: he will not, and you have to be prepared for this. This is not because anything is wrong with you but because he just isn't right for you and doesn't appreciate you as much as you deserve. You will feel awful initially... but you WILL get over him in time and have better things, loves and people in the future to look forward to. I am going through the same process at the moment. It is one of the hardest things I have ever been through emotionally but I know it is for the best as it is better to separate yourself from someone to get over them if they are not making you happy and won't be with you as you would like them to. Don't compromise.Just my advice though. Best of luck :) x
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 You get over him by understanding two things:
1. First, your whole "bond" thing has everything to do with losing your virginity to him. Some women are affected more than others, but often the "first time" starts the crazy sexual bonding chemicals and hormones that turn otherwise strong and intelligent women into desperate, pining, crazy, obsessive clingers of the guy they lost it to, no matter how gross or unworthy or piggish they are.
2. Second, as long as you keep going back and forth with this guy because of the whole bonding chemical nonsense, it will be impossible to move on, thus messing up the best years of your love life pining after someone who takes sex from you and gives you nothing but emptiness.
If you allowed yourself for one second to see the guy for who and what he really is, you'd feel disdain and rage for the time you allowed to be used and wasted.
In the end, no outside force will snap you out of this. Best put the guy away once and for all. You have to starve the chemicals out of your system.
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