A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am completely torn between my fiancee with whom i have two young children and another woman who i met by chance and am now deeply in love with.I care for my partner and don't wish to hurt her or be a part time dad to my children and because i felt like it was the right thing to do, i decided to end it with the other woman which was extremely painful for both of us.Me and my partner were not having problems before and she doesn't have any knowledge of the affair although my change in character has caused some problems which will need to be worked on.That being said, i just don't know if i'm making the right decision, i feel like i am doing the "right thing" and not going with my heart!... Is that the right thing??Can anyone help me with this?? I'm often guilty of doing what is needed to please everyone else which is why when i came to the decision I decided to end it with the other woman because that was easier than destroying my family... but i am genuinely in love with this woman and feel so badly that this could be a missed opportunity for true love and happiness.
View related questions:
affair, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Well thank you for the replies, i appreciate the fact you are being understanding and helpful rather than seeing me as a complete "you know what".
Well i've known the other woman for around 2 months and although you may question our feelings for eachother, all i can hope for is that you trust me that they are real, i knew before meeting up with her for the first time that i would feel this way as over messages we were getting on so well. Every time i met her was more amazing than the previous time and it didn't take me long to start thinking i love this girl. Then my feelings just grew stronger and stronger, I couldn't stop thinking of her, yes there was the element of excitement, but it was past that, we knew this was serious. She would do things or say things, just subtle irrelevant things that would really make me feel like she was the complete woman for me, and i just found everything about her perfect... she really doesn't have a flaw... We have so much in common and are able to talk about anything for ages. Plus she is so in to me and gives me attention that i have never experienced before and something i've always craved.
Unable to live with what i was doing, i came to the decision to tell my Fiancee that i was leaving, she expected it because of the recent problems, but she was confused as to why i didn't want to work at it. I then tell the other woman almost straight after that i've done it and she is made up by this. The very next day i woke up at my parents with an immense feeling of guilt and by the evening i called it all off. This was very recent and was extremely difficult. In all of this i have broken two girls hearts at some stage and that is a very hard thing to cope with. I have since spoken to my fiancee and told her that i want to make it right and want us to work, and i know it's fresh and it's supposed to get easier but it really hurts...
I love this other woman so much, yes i love my fiancee but i can't help thinking that the other woman was so perfect for me. A huge part of me wants to get in touch with her, but so far i have resisted the temptation for her sake really. I really hope it gets easier and i can continue to do the right thing and eventually love my fiancee like i used to... Maybe what will stop that happening is not wanting to? : (
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): I have close knowledge about this kind of thing and I know how very difficult this is for you. Be strong. You don't say how long you have known this other woman but I doubt it is long enough to know each other well enough to believe it is forever or that you could even make it 3 months or 9 or....
Don't take the road that many would, and go back and forth and back and forth, it is very "easy" to fall into that. It might take you a while to get over the new love, but it really seems like the best thing to do is to let her go.
You are going to be miserable for a while, but things will get better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Something made you love your fiance enough to have two children with her and propose marriage to her so you need to work on getting that back. The other woman probably represented excitement and adventure since it was secret and carried no responsibility. Chances are you could end it with your fiance to chase this other women and find the relationship heads down the same track once children and marriage come along. Relationships are hard, marriage is hard you can never take it for granted that you will love the person forever, it takes work. I suggest some therapy maybe for yourself first and then for the two of you.
Good luck my friend along this journey. You will be ok.
...............................
A
female
reader, Shawzwarden  +, writes (29 July 2010):
You have made a commitment to your family to be with them forever. No matter how hard that task is you have to stick out the commitment. You really need to do something to get back on track with your fiancee. Just as you once wooed her you need to do so again. Love is a commitment you stick to no matter what. Love sometimes is a responsibility even when you dont feel it or your partner doesnt. It is a forever commitment you honor. Get Dare to Love or the Fireproof series and see if you can get your relationship with your fiancee back on track. You owe it to her to make it work and most of all you owe it to your kids. Once the children were in the picture, it is no longer about you, it is about them and your family as a whole. Pray and seek wisdom. After a few weeks or so, the other woman will only be but a memory. You have to put distance between you though and really try to make your family work. Good Luck.
...............................
|
