A
female
age
30-35,
*Mfan
writes:Hi, my parents got divorced when I was about five or six years old. My dad has been in and out of my life. It's been really hard growing up without a dad. I usually get to see my dad twice a month, but these past three months, I haven't seen him. I have a step-dad, since about 6 years now. I don't see him as a father. He doesn't show his love for me or my siblings. So, pretty much I feel fatherless.Since, I am fatherless and I don't have a father-figure at home. I get attached to my teachers, that I think would make a great father-figure, or that I am close with, or my coach. I get attached very easily. I try not to get attached, but it's hard. I got attached to one of my teachers last year. When the school year ended and I graduted middle school, my heart was broken. I was sad, depressed. I always thought of him. During the school year, I would e-mail him a lot. Ask him random questions about homework and things. I would do that just to talk to him. I always felt good whenever I was in his class and he was teaching me. I always felt good when I saw his e-mail address pop up in my inbox. I thought I was obessed with him. Now, I started getting attached to my coach. But, I told him about the attachment and how I see him as a father-figure. As soon as I started feeling those attachments, I told myself that I am going to stop it, fix it. I eventually did after a week or so. But my middle school teacher that I was attached to and that I looked up as a father-figure, I was stressed 24/7 about him.That was the hard school year of my life so far. What is wrong with me? Why do I get attached so quickly to my teachers/coaches? Is it because I have been fatherless since a little girl?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): You know, I thought I was the only person in the world who experiences this...What you have described is absolutely the same as me. My dad has never really been there for me, and all through my life I have developed attachments to older men. Not in a sexual way, but because I have always been so desperate for a father figure. I hope this helps a little bit, to know that you are not alone with what you are going through.The only thing that worked for me is that I am actually getting on better with my dad now. I wonder if there is an older man in your life who you could trust and develop a relationship with? Like a grandparent, or an uncle? If you could have some time each week with a man you can trust, it might help take some of that need away.You have to be careful though, because this attachment can put you in a state of vulnerability, and some men might try to take advantage of that. It happened to me, and I would never want that pain to happen to anyone else. Which is why I am suggesting people who will be more trustworthy.Or maybe seeing a counsellor could help, if you discussed this with them.I'm not sure if this advice is very good, I still haven't found an easy solution myself! But I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. If you ever would like to send me a message about any of this, then please feel free to do so. I'm thinking of you, good luck. x
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