A
male
age
41-50,
*onfusedme18
writes:[Mod note: is there some reason you haven't had a DNA test done to establish paternity? Get that done and most of the problems go away. So please advise as to why you haven't ordered a paternity test.]OP follow up:She just gave birth this month and also, i would prefer to deal with things legally.. Thanks anyways, The first part is my question originally. Then the 2nd part would be the updateShould i tell my gf that my ex is pregnant when i'm not sure its mine? I have a grIfriend right now, she became my girlfriend in february, when my ex found out that i have a girlfriend, a few days after, she told me that she was 1 month pregnant and claimed that i am the father. (yes, me and my ex were still doing it even thoguh we already broke up)We had sex back in january, I did use a condom though. The reason why i'm not sure if its mine is because she went out with her ex, who is the father of her 1st and 2nd child. She claims that nothing happened between him and her when they went out sincce they were with their 2nd child.My ex's father called me and was mad because of the situation, and indireclty threatened me.Now, my ex is asking for financial support from me for the baby. Last month i Was able to provide for her check up, but last week, she texted and was asking for additional money and also asked me to prepare the money for her delivery in October.My girlfriend doesnt know about my situation since i dont knwo how would she react about it, she came from a very traditional family, so that also scares me on how would she react.(since i was still seeing my ex when i was already dating/courting her)Now i'm confused, im not sure if i should tell my family and girlfriend about the situation, and whether to continue with the financial support. What scares me is what if i tell my gf about the siutation, then if she breaks up with me, then i will find out the baby is not mine. And same thing with the financial part, i'm just an ordinary employee who works 5 days a week, so having this said, i only have small amount of incme.I hope some could enlighten me on what i need to do, thanks in advance..UPDATEIts been awhile since i posted this question.. I have another problem in line with this..Among all the suggestions mentioned above, what i did was I stopped communicating with my ex, she tried to ask for additional money but i did not give any.. She gave birth this month, according to her the baby was premature..and they asked me if i will provide help with regard to the hospital bills and all, but i responded no.. Then their response was its Ok and that to just wait for their demand letter.. After a week, she sent an email to my family and friends through facebook telling them that the baby was mine, i failed to support her, what she had to undergo because of the pregnancy and the opportunity she lost because of the pregnancy, then towards the end of the email, she stated that i was a very bad person and that they will file a case against me and they are already reviewing everything. I found out about this email through my friends, i'm not sure whether she sent it to my gf. By the way, regarding the ex and the baby, i'm still not convinced that its mine, i maybe am in the denial stage but what triggered me to think if its really mine is that how come she's spreading the news through different channels rather than do it in a legal manner.. Which made me decide to tell my gf about my situation.. I was expecting her to get mad at me, but instead, she told me that she was disappointed me..then right after, she said she wanted us to cool off to think things over..i'm not sure how its going to end up but there's really nothing i can do..It makes me feel bad that i had to put her through this situation when she had nothing to do with my stupidity..I'm not sure how long a cool off period would be and what are the possilities after this..I would like to hear from you guys..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): As heartless as this will sound. DO NOT start giving her money until you know the child is yours.
If you start acting like the biological father, the court will saddle you with the responsibility for the child as if you are the biological father.
It's called being the presumptive father.
Like couples that pass themselves off as married become common law man and wife.
You are passing yourself off as the father and the judge will be happy to formalize this arrangement in court.
No matter how loud you protest.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Hi
The reasons your not getting a DNA test done immediately are questionable which is perhaps why your g/f is cooling off as it casts doubt.
If your NOT the father then you have not behaved stupidly, your ex is just vindictive and hopefully you can prove this and save your relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): To add to Candid Cally. No court will accept DNA evidence in open court with out a "chain of custody" affidavit. It will be a lab (one certified and that meets the court standards) that will draw your blood, label it and send it off in a tamper proof container. After you give a sample (now they use cheek swabs) you won't ever see it again. They will issue their results to the court. Well you too but your copy will not be a certified true and correct.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (31 August 2012):
Demand to have the DNA test done now and visit the lab to have it done. Do NOT give anyone but a professional in a lab a sample of your DNA.
Do not stoop to her level.
Your country may have laws against harrassment. Remind her that her bullying behavior online (without genetic proof that you are the child's father) is harrassment and if the tests determine that you are NOT the father, she could get in trouble for spreading lies and tainting your good name.
As far as your girlfriend is concerned, I think the quicker you have the tedt performed, the better your chances are of getting back together if you are not the baby's father.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): Im really sorry about ur relationship with ur current girlfriend. Its best that u were honest and it came from u and not anyone else though. She is hurt right now so unfortunately she is going 2 need some time. As far as ur ex. Get a DNA test so there will b no question about the paternity. If u decide to give financial support keep all ur receipts. NEVER pay her in cash. If ur case goes to court u will have proof. The first thing she is going 2 say is u didn't do anything etc. Handle the situation w/ur ex and then if ur present girl wants to work things out then handle that. If u don't take care of this ex situation she is going 2 make it difficult for all ur future relationships. Best of luck to u.
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