A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I just have a simple question. Is it wrong for me to fantasize (daydream, or think..) about dating an older guy? Like five to ten years older than me? I already am dating and my boyfriend is three years older than me. I am 21 years old. I don’t want to cheat or anything like that.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (29 October 2017):
Fantasies are usually great. They add interest and enjoyment to your life, make you think outside the box, and you aren't acting on something that could get you in trouble. We all have fantasies. A lot of guys have fantasies about older women...quite often one of their mom's friends who happens to be around when the boy is going thru puberty. Don't worry about it. As for taking the next step and actually dating a an older guy, that's still not the worst thing you can do...just so long as you use protection while having sex.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (28 October 2017):
 If you ever become free, then I don't think it would hurt to try an older man - providing you choose carefully. The older you get the less the age difference seems important. At your age five to ten years is a big portion of your life. At 40 the difference percentage-wise is obviously less.
At best he will be caring, supportive, worldly wise and confident. At worst he may be a dirty old lech' who just wants to get into your pants. So take your time. Look before you leap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): Fantasies are normal. If they remain a fantasy and aren't overindulged.It's when you step over the line and try to make the fantasy real that you are swimming in dangerous waters.I firmly believe when you do have such fantasies it signals there is something amiss in your own relationship. While everybody has a fleeting fantasy at times, it isn't normal to fixate on the same person all the time. Especially if it's a real life person who you see a lot of or is in your social or work circles. It then becomes emotional cheating. And that is not normal or okay. Cause then it's like you are pinning away for this person and directing all your emotional energy away from your boyfriend into another guy.Only you know the extent of these feelings you are having and whether you have already crossed the line into emotional infidelity. I think that by asking the question you are already feeling guilty and perhaps you know that it's not exactly innocent. So, you need to ask yourself why you are distracted by this older man. If it wasn't this man, would it be somebody else? You are young and perhaps feel tied down when you aren't ready to be tied down? And are curious about what else is out there? Do you love your boyfriend? Do you see a future there? Are you bored? Are you not seeing your boyfriend enough or having any more fun together?I think the fantasies are your subconscious trying to tell you something is going on within yourself and with your current relationship.
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