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male
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*urfndude
writes: Hello, and here's my story :) It's a little long and I could add more detail, but I'll try and keep to the point. Ok, I'm a male, 32, from Sydney Australia. And there's a girl, 23 from Hong Kong (this has a small bearing on the story), whose studying at university here, and works as a check-out chick at the nearby supermarket. Let's call her "Jo". So for the last couple of months I've been picking up some vibes, there's the usual stuff, lingering eye contact, smiles, bit of sexual tension, etc, etc. So I'm finally getting to the point of asking her out (yes, I'm a tad shy) and seeing what she says. If in doubt it's always best to bring matters to a head, I think. Anyway I was in the supermarket the other week when a PA announcement went out calling her to the customer service desk. The manager called her by her full name, and I happened to remember it. Later at home, curiosity got the better of me, and for better or worse, I googled her name.A blog matching her name came up near the top of the search results and after a clicking through to it, realised immediately it was in fact "Jo's" blog. She has photos and the bio info matches what I already know about her. So no doubt it was her blog. And guess what? She has a boy friend! He apparently works at the same supermarket, and they've been together 2 years. So it got me wondering why she was eye-ing me off when she is "taken"?I read more of her blog. She's one of these people who articulates her feelings and thoughts, rather than the "went to beach, had coffee with ABC, fed the cat" sort of thing. And there were numerous, and very extensive, posts about her dissatisfaction with her current b/f. After reading it all, (and I'm cutting a long story short) it made me wonder why she'd not left him a long time ago. But she mentions she has very few close friends, or family in Sydney, (being from Hong Kong) and despite his "short comings" she considers him "family" and therefore wont leave him.I'm not really sure how to feel. I like her a lot, but now feel a bit "used", and ticked off. I feel as if she's trying to line up her next b/f (me??) before she dumps the current one! What should I do? I know she is unhappy with this other guy, but I don't feel right chasing someone who is, to all intents and purposes, in a relationship. Am I doing the right thing? Should I just forget her? I mean if she's not happy shouldn't she just deal with it?
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has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend, shy, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, surfndude +, writes (19 November 2006):
surfndude is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for advice (apart from the screwball guy ;). Basically she IS expecting me to "make a move", and she truly believes I have no knowledge of her b/f. By coincidence I did see her going into a local restaurant just a few days ago with him, though she didn't see me.
I'm thinking next time I see her at her workplace I'll say something like, "hey was that you I saw going into the pizza place down the road the other day? It is any good, would you recommend it? Oh, BTW, don't think I'm spying on you or anything, I hate for you to set your b/f on to me, he works here to, right?" It'll be all tongue in cheek, but should get the message over in a friendly way.
I know she's lonely and all, but I doubt she's interested in being "just friends" though. I think she's very unhappy with her current b/f, but rather than deal with her own problems, I think she's hoping someone (me) will just come along and "take her away" from all her troubles.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): Maybe you could consider somehow acknowledging the existence of her b/f? Have you ever, even just once, seen her with a guy at work, (since he works with her?) or around the neighbourhood at all? You could go in there over a weekend, and in a bright breezy tone say something like: "yep, I've got a friend's birthday gig tonite, it's going to be huge! And yourself? Any plans? Going anywhere with your b/f after work?" It sounds like ur justifiably uncomfortable approaching her for a date, and if she knows you know about her b/f, it might force her to deal with her unhappy relationship (as per her blog) with him. It'd also help esp if she's expecting you to make a move on her, and now she'll know why ur holding back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): you are a screwball,and need serious help! She is in a relationship,get a clue man!
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A
female
reader, Juls +, writes (13 November 2006):
Ask her out. Since you're not supposed to know she has a boyfriend, use this to your advantage and try to make it sound "just as friends" so as to avoid freaking her out, and then make a move.
Even if it doesn't work, she sounds like she could use a friend...
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