A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am incredibly stressed out. I've been having nightmares for the past week. I'm waking up 2-3 times a night due to this. When I'm awake I'm feeling nauseous and having stomach pain. I've bitten all my nails down so far I literally can't bite them anymore (not for lack of trying).My family is killing me. There is so much drama going on right now. Two separate events that have happened in the last week. I don't know how to deal with this level of stress. All be brief about the two situations.1. My cousin died a year ago and his sister decided to delete his facebook account last week. We've been using his account to recount memories of his and write to him. It's been a really good grieving mechanism. The majority of the family don't want it taken down. So that has been a big fight. So far it's still up but I'm obsessively checking it everyday to see if it's been deleted yet. It's the only connection left I have to him. I'm out of state so can't visit his grave. 2. One of my dead cousin's children is about to be taken out of our lives. His maternal grandmother has blown up over a perceived slight. She's already told the paternal grandmother that she can never contact the child again. I'm terrified I'm next. This situation is indirectly related to me and my name was all over the email she sent telling the paternal grandmother there was to be no contact. I can't believe I've been dragged into this and I'm about a hairbreadth away from losing this child. I'm terrified to stick up for paternal grandmother (my aunt) for fear I'll not be allowed to see the child anymore. But feel that she needs to know that she is in the wrong and be told she shouldn't use this child in a tug of war. This maternal grandmother has all the power and if I say the wrong thing she'll take the child away. I'm unable to manage my stress levels. Does anyone know anyway to make my nightmares stop? So I can get some sleep. Also anything that might calm me down. I'm so stressed. Any herbal remedies? Tea? Something that you use to manage stress.Also any help on how to handle these situations? Thank you!
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female
reader, IzzySoph  +, writes (6 August 2014):
Hello, I don't have much experience with family drama myself but from what you've said, it sounds like a really awful situation and I'm sorry that you've been caught up in all this - here are my ideas with what you could do:1. For the facebook page, it seems like this means a lot to you and your family. However,it might be a good idea to think of your cousin's sister and her reasons for doing this - she may be finding it hard to be holding on to something that, as devastating as it is, was a year ago and maybe she wants to move on. A compromise could be is to make a scrap book or a diary for yourself or share with a small number of people, perhaps the ones that wanted to keep the fb page? It means you can still grieve but without involving the people that don't want to be involved. 2. As for the email situation, there isn't much detail so I'm not sure if my advice is much help, but it could be a good idea to try talking to other members of the family and see if they're sharing the same feelings. You could go as a group and talk to the grandmother as a group (strength in numbers and all)- perhaps there's a method to the madness? Overall, for general stress, you could try relaxation methods. There's all the typical stuff like long baths, green tea and night nurse. For me I found that I like to get ready for bed a half hour early, get a sheet of paper and write myself a gameplan for solving all my problems. You could add goals, solutions, pros and cons etc. - for me, even if I haven't actually done anything, there's something about having a definitive solution and having it on paper that makes me feel much more in control of a situation and therefore more relaxed.Good luck with your family and I hope that it all goes well. xx
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