A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I had completed my bachelor's and currently working in MNC. I am in relationship for about 5 years. This guy A is of my age 22. He is not yet settle. Still looking for better job. Even I am not happy with my job too. Now the problem is my parents will not accept us. We don't want to elope. He is filthy rich and spoiled brat in college. So my parents will not approve of my bf. We are happy together. Now my parents want to look for a groom. My BF needs time to settle so just to postpone the marriage he is asking me to pursue a Master's. Here now the villain is my brother. He is in love with girl whom my parents don't approve (due to caste system). What to do now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2017): It is me again. At present bf is working in a firm for a year but his pay is too less. His plan is to take over his dad company in a couple of years may be. His parents are kind and approved for this relation.Next the problem is that I am an average student with minimum resources of money .Bf says to take loan . Is that okay
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2017): You should be well-versed and schooled on old-customs and traditions according to the old-school of thought and religious doctrines. You are a female in India. So parents feel they are the ones to decide who your groom will be. I think it is a good idea to go for the Masters as your boyfriend suggested. A very good one.
The fact he doesn't have his life together may be a sign that he is not only spoiled, but irresponsible. How does his own parents feel about how he is conducting his life? At your age, I would not recommend eloping just to get around your parents. I think continuing your education and your job search is responsible and will payoff in your future.
Now about your spoiled rich-brat boyfriend. My boyfriend is rich too. He is a self-made man, and wasn't given everything he has. He worked hard for years to achieve it. So responsibility is practically his middle-name. When it's handed to you, there is little to motivate you to think about your future. You know making money isn't going to be a necessity. You live in the now. So you can't really count on him being there for you. His parents may also have much to say about the woman he marries. Girlfriends are fine. It's expected of him. Pulling the purse-strings is their favorite way of enforcing their will. As you already know.
I've known young men living on trust-funds and having a lot of money at their disposal; and they often delay life's responsibilities to enjoy the good-life. It may be awhile before your boyfriend gets his life together; and I would not count on marriage being a priority. Wait and see if his life is going anywhere. Stay focused on your own goals.
Naturally parents want to hitch you to some man and have you pushing out babies as fast as they can "force" you into it. You just have to be clever and show them you are very much responsible and independent. Show a little rebellion without seeming arrogant. You must show them you have a plan.
Tell them you are not yet ready for marriage, and you will continue on your path as you've set it for now. All you can do is work around them; but they are making sure you're focused. They are doing what parents everywhere normally do. Getting into your business. Trying to rule you forever.
Sometimes you have to ask them to allow you to be an adult and make your own choices. They won't, but ask them to anyway. That sends them the message they will not control each and every aspect of your life. It also gives them resistance that shows you are mature, strong, and capable as an independent-woman. You have to bring them into the 21st century. If you behave as a little-girl, you will be treated like a child. Always be respectful, but not so quick to take their orders.
If you seem aimless, they are going to use every tactic they know to rush and pressure you into marriage. Getting parents to realize you are no longer a child is also a right of passage. It becomes a test of your judgement and discernment as an adult. Irresponsible boyfriends with too much money will throw you off-track. His money really isn't his, it is given to him. It can be shut-off to rule his decisions and to manipulate him.
Showing some backbone, with respect, will earn your parent's trust and respect. They will still insist on sticking their noses into your business; but learn to be skillful at dodging their unnecessary control. Listen to their wisdom.
Your brother is only trying to throw attention away from himself. Don't worry about him. He'll keep them busy; because he's burdened with carrying-on the family-name, which gives you some cover. Especially if your parents are class-conscious, and if she is an "untouchable." They will have their hands full interfering in his life-choices; and trying to keep up with both of you at the same time will exhaust them. Take advantage of it.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (4 September 2017):
 I think you need to get a few things straight in your mind. You have been in a relationship with this man for five years, longer than some marriages last. He has a lot of money.
And yet... And yet he isn't ready to settle because... Because he is looking for a job.
Just leave your parents out of the equation. You are an adult you can marry whom you like. And they can like whom you marry, or not.
Don't you think it is time for you to sort things out with this man? Is he of the same religion, or is that not a factor?
We can't tell you what to do. But we can tell you how it looks. And it doesn't look like he is bothered about marriage. Can you live with that? Many do.
Or is it important enough for you to apply some pressure? What do his parents think about the situation? Could they become your allies? Or are you still a secret as far as they are concerned?
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