A
female
age
41-50,
*unystar1
writes:Okay. I am having so many family issues its driving me nuts. My husband (30) and I (34)try to just keep too ourselves and the DRAMA still comes to us. We have had out times of adding to family drama because of our own marital issues that we turned to my parents for guideance as they are "wiser" but eventually saw both sides seemed to be played. I do not keep my kids away from their grandparents and family. Why, because I feel its not right to use my kids as my way off making a point. This will make sense later.I am in a united family. I have 3 brothers, 2 older and 1 sharing the same mother. The oldest (38)is my "blood" (to me blood doesn't matter but just trying to explain family dynamics). He has 1 child only and once a stepson but that marriage ended over probs with that child so they do not keep a real active relationship :-( sad but real reasons. The next older brother (37) is from marriage. However, he and I had been friends long before our parents married. Now here is Springer stuff (lol). I was married to his cousin, met my now X husband through this brother. And we always had a real relationship like brother and sister going on our 3rd decade of connection/love/family/friends. He has 3 children. His oldest a step-son - he came in to his wife's life when the son was only a year old. He then has 2 daughters with the same woman of all 3 kids.My 3rd brother (33) is the youngest of us all and he has no kids. Once was in a serious relationship and took on the step-dad role without marriage and still is active in that child's life even though the relationship has ended. NOW. All of the boys are all healthy. Minus the second oldest who suffers from mental problems and drug addiction. He really tries but has not had an easy life. He was old enough to remember the day his mother walked out on him and his brother. Our dad was not his biological father but continued to raise him along with his other son (the youngest brother).Now Me! I am chronically and terminally ill on disability.My parents are taking care of the boys in all different ways. The youngest boy lives in the house my step-dad had before marrying and moving in with my mom rent free. My dad still pays the mortgage there.My brother does not work. He has many reasons and excuses. So my mom pays for cell, storage unit, gas, his daughters clothes, and more. Plus she got him a gig where he house sits and has shelter expenses paid with extra comforts (cable, inet, etc). The 2nd to the oldest is getting a car payment made in the 2-300$ range by my step-dad.So in my estimated calculations, my parents are forking out about 1300$ a month to care for GROWN Healthy MEN, simply because they just don't do it. ENABLERS.So then they have this daughter, me. I suffer from 28 medical problems. Mostly neurologically related. My mother who works in the medical field in a high up position has heard many drs tell her, I AM A WALKING MIRACLE. I should have been severly handicapped and unable to walk or talk. Most of the neuro stuff is birth defect related. I never had real alerts of these underlying things until 25 when I suffered a seizure and blackout while under great stress. I have been told that I was going to die. I have been told, there is no way she can do this without serious medical lashbacks...etc. Oh, and I PAY FOR ALL MY BILLS. I have never asked my parents for a dime unless it was my last resort and I pay it all back with interest. So there is the history. Here is the problem. My parents think that their advice and knowledge is BOND! They critcize the most stupid and smallest things ABOUT ME yet I never hear it towards the other kids. As a matter of fact, I feel like my mom's frustration punching bag. Everyone uses her but I DON'T. I feel that I love her MORE than ANYONE else. I refuse money she tries to give me for gas or cutting her hair ( I am a stylist). Okay. I have 2 teens from my first marriage. My X is my step-dads nephew. I introduced my then Uncle to my Mom because they both has such kind hearts as was about their family. Things have changed to me, for the worse. No more Sunday dinners at my Dads house. No more Mommy wanting to be a part of the experiences with her grandchildren, etc. I now have 2 more kids under the age of 4 after my major battle to fight death. I had some of the most known hospitals deny my referral because they saw no hope. It appeared I suffered from some rare degenerative neurological disease process. With any teens, you have problems. And my teens are seeing that if you just give up and be lazy depending on others, thats the way to life. I am fighting that with all I have.When I got pregnant with the younger 2, my mother wanted me to abored. I said NO. God gave me a second chance at life and these babies came to me through mutliple forms of birth control, I felt there was a mighty reason. This is the first time in my life I did not do what my Mom told me to do and I feel she has been making me pay for it. She told me I would never be able to balance life with 2 teens and 2 babies, but I have been doing a pretty good jon despite my critical health.So she feels she has the right to undermind my parenting. I took a cell phone away from my oldest teen after constantly breaking minor rules and failing grades. She goes behind my back and buys him a brand new high tech cell phone. WE got in to a fight. My son was with her, celebrating his bday with her. No matter what I said, she felt she veto'd my reasons and told me to F Off with my child in the car. The she used guilt on me. So much. Then after this experience. My second teen ask for a lap top for Christmas. She was 12 years old. I just got my lap top the year before to go back to nursing school. My parents helped me get it but I ended up paying more than they did and I was told if I dropped out of my classes, they would take it away and I was 32! So she persist that my teen DESERVES a laptop. She got it despite my wishes. And she was never told it would be taken away if her grades fell or blah blah. So the rule was, the laptop stayed at my house when she went to her Dad's for her weekend visitation. Why, because all of the things being taken from my house never came back, or came back broken because of my X's new soon to be step kids.So she violated my rule this weekend. I waited for her to come home and quielty asked, Did you take your laptop this weekend. She screams at me...GRANDMA said she bought the gift and I should be able to take it where ever I want. I call my mother who says, I bought it for her and its her gift to do with it as she wants. I said WRONG. You bought a gift I told you she was to young for and no matter who buys it, she is my child and she respects my rules. I have been told I am just a jealous person because I only got my lap top a year before. WHAT? That has nothing to do with it. Other than guilt. I once cried to my Mom why does she continue to help the healhty kids but makes it 20x harder on me. Her reply..Your houses and cars are nicer than mine and you don't work. YEP. I am disabled and dying and all my doctors said I am unable to work even though I did start back to school and got a part time job to help give my kids a better life without taking from others. DOES ANYONE AGREE WITH MY MOM? Just because she bought the gift means she has the say so about what and how it will be used? Then she says she will just take it back and keep it at her house so my kids can use it when and where ever she wants?Am I missing something here? My frig just broke down and I called my stepdad and asked if I could use his credit card at a specific store that had no interest for 18 months, that I would pay it all back before the interest kicked in. Then, there were issues. When it was being installed, my stepdad did it HIS WAY and caused damage. So the store was nice enough to replace (there was 2 other marks on it due to shipping damage). The salesman said he could only get this model in stainless steal. Well, I had all white appliances. But they are all breaking down. So I was going to replace one by one in white. Sales guy gave me a deal of a lifetime. I called my stepdad and asked if I could charge 250$ more, but I would pay the rest I had in cash. He said, whatever makes you happy honey. But then my Mom says, I am not remodeling your kitchen. She wasn't because I always pay my debt back and it has been 5 years since I ever asked for a dime. Offered to pay it back and again my step dad said, NO. "It isn't fair all that we do for the other kids and you never bother us with money needs." My MOM throws this is my FACE all the time. So I am going to pay that debt back from 2006 and this current arrangement, while my siblings are just TAKINF AND TAKING. Any advice? Why is my MOM making things so much harder on me? If I told her that the DRS said I am dying due to muscle breakdown and a neurological mismessage that is causing my body to eat my muscles and attacking my heart, there is no way to correct, would she thing I was just trying to make her feel bad? I have held this secret inside for over a year because she blames my last child and says he is a BRAT. She treats him so different and often tries to leave him out because he is CLINGY. I think its because he id the first to see her new aura and senses her feelings towards him. She can't buy that kid like she is the others. WHAT DO I DO to where I don't hurt my kids relationship with her? I am simply heartbroken. My mother thinks what she says or advises is the WORD! She seems to think she is my mother and my kids mother and she has VETO power!Okay part of this may be my fault. I always shared all experiences with her as I had her 1st grandkids. I shared because I was not jealous and I appreciated and respected her views. However, my own natural mother instincts kicked in. I never called my mom ONCE asking for a break raising 2 kids born days shy of a year apart. I am a GREAT MOTHER and I felt like I got it from my Mother. (So much has changed)SO she underminds me and buys my boy a cell phone for his birthday after he has the cell phone I bought him
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a break, christmas, cousin, debt, disabled, heartbroken, jealous, mental problems, money, muscle, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): You need to tell your mother and father that you are slowly dying.
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