A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, there is this girl (23) that I really like, and its not like I love her but REALLY like, she completes my personality, she enjoys all the same things I do including dirtbikes, hockey, camping, sports, she's very much like me in A LOT of ways. We have almost the same personality when it somes to sense of humor, how we are with each other, we think the same things, finish each others sentences and/or say the same thing at the same time. We have both expressed how we feel we are perfect for each other. I have known her for maybe 6 months, part of that was just as an aquaitance at work who I got to know better and better. Problem is my family doesnt exactly think she is good for me, says they will never accept her, and other things. Basically they have never met her but just judging by what has happened with me in the past few weeks. So here's the backstory and why they may not like her right now. I was with my previous girlfriend for almost 7.5 years. We had a great relationship, near the end I felt as if I was falling out of love with her but still loved her as we had been together so long. We actually did get engaged and to this day, it felt right at the time but as time progressed I freaked out because I knew that we had ONLY been with each other since we were 17. (our first relationships). I broke it off with her in way that it sounded more that I wanted to see other people because I felt like I missed out on being with someone else. But at ths same time I was developing feelings for this other person. I ended it with girlfriend #1 and after a few days started seeing girlfriend #2. Girlfriend #2 did not pursue me and wanted me to take time off after the break up, date other people if I wanted and that sort of thing. But I insisted that I just wanted her. We started seeing each other, We slept together which we both agreed was not something we would really ever do in any other situation, I guess it just felt right, it was more about passion than the physical sexual feelings. I knew someone else being in my life this soon was going to be a shock and upset my family so I tried to lie and keep it from them. Well they found out through my friends whom I talked to about this girl. They confronted me and were very upset calling this girl a slut and has no morals, and that sort of thing, basically judging her and drawing up their own conclusions about her based on what had happened. Girlfriend #2 and I both agreed that I should have taken time to myself without anyone at this point, realizing we shouldnt have done all this and done it the right way. I realized I should respect my family more and not lie and tell them whats going on with me. So they dont like her based on what has happened so far between us. I can see why they would think all of this but they are still judging no matter which way you word it. I've tried to explain about everything, we've all talked and I've apologized for how I did not respect them enough and my ex girlfriend to take some time off for myself and all that, everything is ok now with the family. But I still want to see the other girl. She really is a very good match for me, everything I see is what I want in a girlfriend with her on the outside and inside. But I'm not sure about how the family would react if I choose to be with this person. They still have their mind set that she is not a good person or not right for me. I have listened to their opinions but in the end I have said that I'm going to do what makes me happy, and make my own decisions and that I know I cant always please everyone. Can they ever get past what has happened and give us a chance?? Can they forgive and forget?? I've thought this whole time that nothing is impossible and once they see who this girl really is and that she is a good person and that we just got too busy too quick, that maybe they will see how committed I am to showing them that this person makes me happy and we match so well. Maybe eventually see all this and get past the past and like her for her personality not what we have done. Thoughts??
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): well i dont know your girl and i dont know your parents but i do know my son and his girlfriend. and frankly i dont like her in the least...and yes he knows it. have i thrown a "hissyfit" and forbid him to see her? no i havent. but as an adult i see things that he doesnt. he is naive and in "love" with her...she is semi cute and petite, dark beautiful compexion and very much likes him. he is blond, blue-eyed and handsome...she is 23 and he is 18. she is from a family i know well and they are fruitcakes. my baby sister who is also 18 married the brother of this girl and her life is a constant inlaw battle. i just hate to see him get into a mess like that. so sometimes parents are trying to help in their own bumbling way. on the other hand my husband was raised by grandparents who was against out marriage. they were civil and so was i ...we got along but it never quite quit hurting that i knew they didnt like me. so its a careful place. at least try to listen to their reasons and with an open mind see if there is any truth in what they say. if they are just being contrary, then its your business in the end. good luck, mal
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Your family doesn't know your new girlfriend well. It's more like they are embarrased because if your friends knew that you slept together, then who knows how many more people knew about this, and that people would talk about what kind of family produces a son who sleeps with someone so soon. So rather than admitting something's wrong with the family, they condemn and blame the outsider. To accept your new girlfriend is to admit that their son has no morals. To be fair you have to stand up to your new girlfriend and say it's half of your decision to sleep with her, especially when she already said you should wait until things cool off with your ex.
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