A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would like feedback and advice to my issue because I seem to be stressing over this more than I need to.I am a 25 year old female and about to graduate with my Masters. I have been dating this man who is hardworking and has a big heart because he will go out of his way to help people. He is also very loving and sweet and very much condiderate. He is a master car tech but he has decided to go back to college recently and he is doing well. He is 28. He has gotten in trouble before when he was younger. He got a DUI before but it was resolved.He is also short, around 5'3 which is the main reason why my parents do not approve of him. They say he is extremely social because he needs compensate for his height. They pretty much criticize my decision to want to be with him.They do not understand it. Now graduation is coming up where a bunch of family will be present and from what I know they may feel the same. Im just getting extremely anxious. I know I shouldnt because I live on my own, pay my bills, etc. Its just that their approval is important for me.I would like some advice as to how I can make dinner less awkward. They do not know we are togethet yet because I always felt like I need it to hide it bc of their disapproval. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSpunky monkey, I never meant to say that graduating with a masters graduates me into the school of life. I could care less that he does not have the same level of education. And I dont believe that Im too good for him. So Please reread posts before you offer any advice. Im not trying to get people to read between the lines of my post. Its just that I have always struggled to get my parents' approval, and I know I I need to stop, because it makes me very unhappy.
I am in love with this guy. He is a much better man than any of my past boyfriends.he has never cheated or treated me wrong. And I really liked how some people offered positive advice about what I need to do. So thank you to all for your thoughtful comments. It makes me feel much better to know that in time, my parents will see how good he is as a person.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 November 2012):
 Here's what I would like to know:
HOW would your folks feel about this guy if he were 3' 6" tall..... and a multi-zillionaire??????
Forget your folks' opinion, and live YOUR life as you wish.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): My only daughter is 25 also, and also doing her master, she also have a boyfriend of 28, who is a hard worker, cares about her and also going to school. He is not that short, 5.6", same height as her, so it's ok. The thing is that she is white, and he is Chinese. So for my Jewish family it was unusual to accept this fact, but guess what, she just laughed us off. Every time she heard a comment about her Chinese boyfriend, she would remind us about her seemingly perfect Jewish boyfriend who cheated and was never there for her. 2 years passed by, they are still together, actually living and traveling everywhere together and she couldn't be more happier. Noone says anything anymore. Her Chinese boyfriend is part of all family gatherings, holidays and noone gives them curious eye anymore.I think you need to take it more lightly, just ignore their comments, it's your life after all
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I'm short, and I'm extremely social, and it's not to compensate for my height. Most short people don't compensate, we just have massive ego's, and believe that we deserve to be the center of attention, even those of us with a good heart. We're always the life of the party. If your parents approved of you getting hit by a car, would you go jump in front of a Mack truck for extra brownie points? Stop seeking peoples' approval. As Robert Downey, Jr. put it: "Smile, Nod, Agree, then do whatever the fuck you were going to do anyway". If people don't understand why you would want to be with someone who treats you well, who is a master at what he does, and is still attempting to keep learning, then it's not him, it's the people who are judging. They call that jealousy. Most likely, your family members aren't happy with their own lives, so they need to ruin a chance you have with a great person. It kinda makes me wonder if you're having doubts that this guy is the real thing, and if you really want to be with him, as you're more concerned about what everyone else thinks instead of you just being in love with him and enjoying him around you. I'm not going to sugar coat it-- if you really liked him, you'd be fighting to be with him no matter what, and instead of being on here, you'd be laying on his shoulder, or out on a date getting shown off by him right now...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 Oh well, if I were your parents I'd be much more concerned about his having got in trouble in the past and also gotten a DUI , than about his height. Sure it was in the past, but, from a parent's point of view, with so many trouble free and DUI free guys, why choosing a flawed one. Sorry, don't hate me :) that 's just my inner bitch that wants to come out and play. And anyway, that's exactly how a parent reasons, so I suspect that if yours aren't that enthusiastic about your guy, it must not be just because of his height.
For the rest, abandon the idea that you can MAKE people approve of what they don't approve. If it was something more ideological and debatable , a prejudice that can be turned around with dialogue, rationality, and correct information ( " All Arabs are terrorists ; no, the stats show that the percentage of Arabs involved in acts of terrorisms is in fact only etc.etc. ") you would have better chances. But since it's a totally irrational, at-skin-level thing... if they don't visually like short guys, they - don't like short guys . Personal taste is hard to dispute.
Do you HAVE to care though ? I'd say not. You don't call an extended family meeting everytime that you dye your hair or buy a new car or repaint your bedroom walls, to find out if the whole family approves of your choices and is happy with the colour or make you have chosen, right ?
You just go with what you like, what pleases your eyes,- and I don't see why it should be any different with a boyfriend.
Your relatives don't have to think that your bf is all that and a bag of chips- YOU do.
If you like him enough, and you are convinced enough about your choices, you can let their opinions slide over you . We can't all like the same things and the same people.
Plus, in time, if things work between you, and he treats you well and makes you happy, they'll come to like him for that and won't even notice anymore his physical shape and size.
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