A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 16 months now.Then this weekend a rumour spread about me and another guy which wasn't true, I told my boyfriend about said rumour before it got to him by other means and he told me he believed me. He defended me all night, even though all his friends were telling him it was true and feeding all these lies into his head, this was at a party so everyone was very very drunk. Later that night the girlfriend of the guy the rumour was about confronted me and I told her it wasn't true but she didn't believe me, then my boyfriend stayed at her house (he was good mates with her brother). I knew she was going to get into his head and I'd accepted that as she was all over him all night trying wind me up but I thought me and him were strong so I just brushed it off. Two days later the boyfriend of that girl rings me to tell me my boyfriend and her had sex that night and obviously I was angry. I screamed at my boyfriend, I cried, I pushed him and he just stood there taking it telling me he deserves it all, he told me everything that happened that night and knows what he did was wrong for even doubting me and him which I know doesn't make it any better. I'm still hurting however we had a future together, and this is so out of character for him that I want to move on and he knows it's going to takes months.Even though it's happened I still trust him and I don't believe anything like this would happen again. I don't want to be a mug though. Am I a mug? Have I done the right thing?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2016):
 Real love? Do you think he loved you when he was on top of some girl having sex with her? If you want to make it work then that makes you a stronger person than I am, because I would not be able to trust him again, I could pretend that I was, but for me the relationship would never be the same again, because no matter how much you love him, he has damaged the relationship by cheating on you. I hope it works out for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): Sounds to me like he is a bit of an opportunist. He seen the perfect opportunity to use what he knew to be a falsehood as an excuse to get laid. "You did it, so your the reason why it was ok for me" kinda thing. did he did believe you all along? from what you post yes and publicly. anyone can make a false accusation , is this going to be his reaction if it happens again. Very quick to believe this silly girl over you. What proof did she give him other than her word over yours anyway. Love him you may, but he sounds like a jerk and a weak one at that.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (5 July 2016):
 Op, Well the principle reason id support you in doing this is because what your doing is graceful and virtous and in even wanting to forgive him your showing that and I think your admirable for doing so. You may get back to something good, probably wont be the same, but can still be good in a different way. I will trust your judgement on whether it got to him or not because your obviously the best placed person to tell. Cant answer the past question because it didnt for me and my love and paitence was eventually exhausted but there was more than unfaitfulness to that so in that sense your in a better positon. Its good you both seem to recognise each others feelings and if he is willing to work on what lead him to this unfortunate point and work on that as well then I do see hope for you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): OP here!!I can see what you're all saying, and no I have not forgiven, I have far from forgiven him and I know that that will be a long process but I'm willing to wait it out, and so is he, just to see if we can get back something good. Honestly I've never been so hurt and he saw that and I truely think it got to him. What hurts the most is that there was a split second that he forgot about me and still that thought kills me. Nobody believed me when I told them because he was always the 'golden boyfriend' and that doesn't give him an excuse. I want to work this out I really do, and there must be a case where this has worked for someone in the past? When they have really really loved their partner?
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 July 2016):
 How do you trust someone that's just cheated on you ?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 July 2016):
I know you must be hurting at the moment, but you say you can trust him and move on, but what happens the next time he wants to stay at his friends? Will you feel happy and secure knowing they are in the same house? Or what happens the next time a rumor starts and there is a girl there waiting to comfort him. Even if he was drunk it was no excuse. He had sex with another girl, hopefully you have got checked for STI's. He knows he has gotten away with it this time, so he knows he can get away with it again. You say it is out of character, but would he have told you if you never found out? He wasn't even honest with you and told you the truth himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): I'm sorry bUt he betrayed your trust, he betrayed YOU. If he loved you he wouldn't risk your relationship and do something so damaging to you. There are plenty of nice guys out there, you're young and will find someone else. I know what it feels like to be cheated on by someone you really love - at first you're really angry then you start condisering forgiving them - but seriously don't - he made his bed, let him sleep in it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2016): sorry honey but your bf doesnt love you and sooner or later he will dump you because if he loved you he would have never slept with this other girl.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 July 2016):
 Sorry OP, you ARE a mug.
I'd dump him. YOU did the right thing and told your BF about the rumor (though... why and how did that rumor get started in the first place?) but HE chose to LISTEN to the other girl, a TOTAL stranger and then sleep with her. What kind of BF does that? Doesn't matter if it is out of character or not. He does it once? He might do it again.
I'd dump him and move on, before it becomes a "pattern" of you having to "forgive" him for doing stupid and hurtful stuff.
You are so young to saddle yourself with this much crap in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (4 July 2016):
Being a forgiveing person doesnt necessarily make you a mug. Its a tremendous quality to have to be hurt like that and to be able to forgive. Having said that I think the road will be hard. There is a difference between saying someone is forgiven and it being felt in your heart and I dont for one second believe trust and forgiveness is a switch you can switch on and off like that. Sure, you will say your find now, but wait until the first argument, the first time he hacks you off, the first time he makes you feel hurt or you feel he is being out of line, then you will remember this and the old wound will open up and that will take time to heal so dont for one second say its ok, its over and done now and think you wont have to work at it - you will. However, if your prepared for that, if you are strong enough to do that and walk that path then good luck and all power to you because you have shown tremendous grace under fire here - more than your boyfriend actually deserves. Good luck :).
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