A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all, I'm sorry this is sooo long! Guess I just needed to get all my thoughts out. I've fallen in love with my best friend and I don't know what to do about it. This friend and I have always been close but I always thought it was just platonic between us until he had problems with his girlfriend. She was unsure whether she still wanted to be with him and eventually cheated on him and they broke up.We began spending even more time together as I tried to help him through it, having nights in watching films and going out to the cinema and nights out with friends. We ended up getting really close, him cooking me dinner and us cuddling up on the sofa together. One night we went out with friends and after having a bit too much to drink one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together.I was worried that it would be awkward in the morning and would affect our friendship but nothing changed. This happened a few more times and then he seemed to make an effort to stop it happening again as he was still confused about his ex. His girlfriend had spent most of this time trying to get him back, although at the same time went out and slept with other people. My friend was adamant that he wouldn't take her back. However a she wrote him a letter telling him how sorry she was and how much she loved him and he decided to give her another chance and they got back together. However, after everything that happened with us, I have developed really strong feelings for him. We still stayed really close friends but his girlfriend knew what happened between us and understandably hateed me and hated us spending time together. This led to them breaking up again after a couple of months as she was always startng arguments with him about our friendship and the fact that he wouldn't stop hanging out with me.They have now been brokeen up for about a month and we are still friends, but nothing has happened since before they got back together. even up to a few weeks ago he would still make flirty little comments when he was drunk, telling me I looked hot and that he was thinking about kissing me, but since they have broken up that seems to have stopped. A mutual friend of ours set him up with one of her friends and they've got together a couple of times when we've been out which was horrible for me to see. I'm so confused over this, he's my friend and he's been through so much with his ex that I want him to have fun but at the same time it kills me to see. I feel guilty for wanting this girl not to want him. I just don't know what to do, I've been in a long term relationship, and been with other guys before but I've never felt like this about anyone. I just don't know what to do or how gto handle it. I've thought of just biting the bullet and saying something but that's such a scary thought and I don't want to ruin what is a very close friendship. Please help, any advice is appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Well, it was long indeed but i know what its like, my "questions" are very long too only people who love to read answer them haha. So I see you guys have a very special relationship yet don't know what to call it. Well just so you know im sure he has strong feelings for you too, because this happened to me only I was the girlfriend and when i started to argue with my boyfriend about his hanging out with her (his friend which in ur case would be you) he totally cut her off after 6 years of friendship with her and only 2 years with me, he even insulted her once because she insulted me and said she was the biggest mistake he ever made and doesnt want to see her again in his life. So (thank God) he loves me. But in your case he broke up with her which is a good sign that he does have feelings for you as well. But he isn't acting upon them because you have to understand that it is not easy or even good to jump straight from a relationship to another. He needs some time to himself.
If he got in a serious relationship with you at this moment maybe he would later cheat with his ex because everything is so new there must be issues still unresolved and all couples go through a lot of things that make their bond strong which is why its so hard to let go. You may know some things because he is your friend but they did have a life as a couple and there's a lot of emotions tangled up right now which they need to understand, deal with, or get rid of. If he starts sleeping with a lot of girls now that's not very good either, i mean taking time for himself doesnt mean to play casanova. And if he does, do you really want a boyfriend that has had sexual intercourse with a thousand girls??? Its a big no no specially when one of his exes or one night stands calls you to let you know she really enjoyed how he did God knows what to her in the past. Happened to me. So I think you should give him time definitely and also think about what is good for you because worse than losing him as a friend you wouldnt want to lose yourself. Hope i helped blessings!
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