A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have totally fallen in love with a girl that I work with. She is everything that I could ever want and is the person I have been hoping to meet all of my life. Of that there is absolutely no doubt in my mind. I know this because we sit opposite each other and have spent a lot of time in each others company.The thing is that I am married with 4 young children that I totally adore. I have a great relationship with my children and we have lots of fun.I have read a lot of stuff on this website about marriage break up and problems that can arise in trying to start a new life together with someone new. I have also thought about it constantly and know that to be together with this girl the following would arise:- my friend base would take my wife's side and I would probably have to start my social life again from scratch- I would not get to see my 4 children growing up (apart from seeing them at the weekends perhaps)- the break up of my marriage would have an adverse effect on my children- I may have to look for a new job even though I am very happy where I am working- I would have to pay a lot of maintenance and would probably not end up with much from a divorce settlement (even though we have a lot of equity in our house)- I would cause hurt to my wife and she is a good person and a good mother- I am not sure what my parents would think of me- after all this I may still end up living in a one bedroom flat all on my ownHowever, taking all these points into account, I am still prepared to go through all of these for the chance of being with this girl. After all I am a human being and not a machine and I love her. I am not looking for justification for my feelings. I don't really care what anybody else thinks. However, there is no one I can discuss this with and I just needed to write this for the sake of my sanity.
View related questions:
divorce, I work with Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): I am in the same situation myself, and have been struggling over this for 3 years. Are you sure she feels the same way about you? Do you love your wife? You could end up throwing your life away for 3 months of bliss? Give it time. If you are truly meant to be with this other girl, you should wait at least 3-4 years to see if the feeling is still there. The brain chemistry is affected when one falls in love, but this effect dissipates after 3-4 years. You are probably on a high right now as you were when you first met your wife. Get to know your family better, spend more time with them. Spend less time at work and more time with your family. If after 4 years you still feel the same way about this girl, then you have a tough choice to make. But it sounds to me, that you haven't given your wife and family a chance here. Four small children are a lot of pressure, and is tough on a relationship. I would work on this aspect first. If she is meant to be she will be there for you in 4 years, and by then you may have fallen for your wife and family again.
A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 There's nothing I can say to sway you from the biggest mistake of your life. You already seem to know its wrong for you to do this and people, your own friends and family will reject you. And with good reason. It would be absolutely selfish and immoral for you to go with this woman and end your marriage. You already said you would hurt your kids, and yet you selfishly are still willing to go through with this! Those kids are the reason you stick it out with this marriage until they are of age and out of your home. They need you, and not just as a weekend father. They are your responsibility and it is you duty as a father to remain in your marriage however unhappy you are. I don’t know how you can settle your issues with your wife, that's something you should go to counseling for.
Think of your kids. The reason everybody would justifiably look down on you is your abandonment of them, not your wife. You should stop this nonsense with this woman and get back to you life.
There's another factor here, you are not thinking about. What would your potential girlfriend think about you abandoning your kids...? And what kind of woman would be happy with a guy who did that?
Like I said, I can't convince you because you are so set to do this stupid selfish act. I'm just asking you to think twice. How much do you really love your children?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): Well.. there are a lot of bad points there. are you sure you want to risk everything? and does this girl have the same feelings for you? she might, but she might not. maybe you should talk to her, see what her view on the whole situation is. and do you love your wife? you haven't mentioned your feelings towards her. if you do love her then is it all worth the rick of losing her and your children? i hope this helps. x
...............................
|
