A
female
age
30-35,
*lueBride
writes:Its not that I'm an attention seeker I'm the opposite but I'm starting to feel a damper on my wedding and its affecting me a lot lately. Had I known my family would not care about the wedding I would have eloped if i know how much it affects me. My wedding is in 3 months time, since then my wedding has just been something cast aside to my family. My older sister who tends to bully me a lot and always out to get me rang me last week acting all stupid saying when is your wedding again?? She knew when it was . Can you not change the date to 6 months time? Its a lot of pressure to fly from london to ireland for it? Are you really getting married? as she laughed on the phone, Well she made me feel like crap , like coming to my wedding was a really big inconvience for her a total joke.Not only that my other sister is chiefs bridesmaid and won't help me with the wedding planning after I asking 3 times already. Its hard for me to plan everything because no one wants to drop me some advice . Then My niece mentioned to my sister who is the bridesmaid when are you going to help plan the hen party and she raised her eyes. My brother then went on about the pricing of the hotel for the wedding (its not even expensive) and my mother doesn't even mention the wedding at all to me.She didn't even care about my feelings when i asked her to walk me up the aisle as my dad is gone, she just said oh god no . My father was the only one that used to talk about it and sadly he wont be here for it as he died . And it breaks my heart because I really need him he always made me so happy with his jokes and interest but now he isnt here to make me feel the wedding is special that somebody is actually looking forward to it. I went dress shopping on my own, i felt lost no help no advice and when i got back my mom didnt even ask if i got the dress not even my sisters. All they wanted to know was the price a few days later so they could complain. I was so excited until they really made my form plummet with comments and lack of help and interest. I feel very alone. I'm a very shy person so I have no friends because i can't talk to new people its a total weakness of mine, can someone give me advice on what to do? They have been like this forever never cared nothing, should i delete them from my life or what? My sisters love to hurt me they love when they see me do things on my own because they feel better about themselves when im crashing . I'm trying so hard to keep it together but lately ive been feeling so upset i cry a lot and wonder does them making me feel alone and feel my wedding is an inconvenience really helping them to feel good? The man im marrying is incredible he is my rock and always is so good to me and minds me and helps me, we are together almost 4 years and sometimes i don't know what i would do without him. There has always been sibling rivalry between each and everyone of my siblings but for the past year its like they have all stood together and turned on me, especially when i started my own business and got engaged.My business was growing and instead of telling me well done they just said that i was a gangster for making a small profit on goods i sell online. There is never any praise. I never done anything to any of them its like they just hate me for trying to get on in the world. What do i do?
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (22 March 2016):
Are your family always like this? I ask because my relationship with my family has never been great. In fact there had never been any sort of healthy r.ships between me and them. Right from the day I was born until now, I've always been the black sheep and have never been important to them...ever! I'm not imagining it because things have always been bad between me and them. I've been stabbed in the back, let down and hurt, by my so called family.
As an adult I know I don't have to put up with their sh*t anymore! I won't be a part of their dysfunction so I've cut them off. Do I regret it? No! Sure, its sad not to have a wonderful close family but this is my deal in life. My family hate me! Do I care? No! My life is amazing and happy without them in it. I now surround myself with people who genuinely care about me and my life is drama free.
If I get married etc will I invite/include my family? Never! I know this right now, they are not welcome at any joyous events in my life. But...I'm telling you my story because hopefully your family may be different to mine. How have they treated you throughout your life? If they've treated you well and been supportive etc then try to resolve this situation ad best as you can. If you want them at your wedding and to nurture a happy relationship with them, then talk to them and iron this out.
I always say that because I've never experienced a happy family r.ship I've learnt the true value of family from what I've never had and long for. I also believe that if a family r.ship can be worked on and issues resolved,then do it 100% unreservedly. Communication is important and maybe a family meeting with a neutral person e.g a trusted friend, pastor etc mediating can help you all resolve your differences. If that fails then maybe consider having a smaller discreet wedding ceremony without the drama mongers and invite them to a celebratory dinner after. Just a suggestion.
I sincerely hope you will be able to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2016): Be brave. Cancel the plans and keep the dress. Marry this lovely rock of a man at a beautiful private venue close to your hearts and only invite those who are kind. My wedding was full of the same torment. My marriage lasted 20 years but the memories were ruined of the day and the build up to it. I'd never bother trying that again as the love and each other is all that counts. Ring fence what you cherish.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2016): I would cancel and elope- balls to them! enjoy you and your husbands day. You will only get it once :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2016): I think when women get married they get extremely sensitive and worked up. Well in my experience anyway. My sister is getting married this year and she's gone from somebody with a thick skin that takes everything on the chin to being really emotional and sensitive.She asks for peoples opinions and of course everybody has different tastes but when they give her opinions on things they prefer she takes it as an insult thinking we all hate her choices. She has had an argument with my older sister and they didn't speak for a day. The three of us never argue so it's a bit weird.Her maid of honour is quite an introverted person and she rarely makes plans with friends so I knew she wouldn't be like some enthusiastic party planner constantly asking questions and thinking about what to do for the hen night months in advance. My sister knows what she's like but because she isn't showing that much excitement about it all she's told me that she won't be bothering to stay in touch after the wedding. I had to persuade her out of telling her she couldn't be maid of honour any more.The only reason I think you are being overly sensitive is because you commented that they called you a gangster for making a profit, it was just a joke that doesn't sound malicious.Maybe your older sister feels a bit left out because you've chosen your other sister to be chief bridesmaid, I think I'd kind of feel a bit hurt if my sister did that to me. You say they all stand together and turn on you but by picking one sister over the other as chief bridesmaid you are kind of letting the one know she's not quite so important. I don't want to offend you saying that but I guess that's how I would feel.It's not very nice that you went dress shopping alone but you didn't say whether you actually asked any of them to go with you. If you went alone because you feel nobody cares and you said you are a shy person then you just need to think about going 'hell to this I'm going to ask people to do things and if they don't they can feel my wrath' lol.Be more assertive and if you are seriously considering cutting your family out of your life then I suggest you tell them exactly how all of them make you feel before you just go ahead and do something you will probably regret.My mother doesn't really show a caring side and she's never said she loves me but looking at my Grandmother I can pretty much imagine she was the same with her. But then I'm a very affectionate person, I always hug my children and tell them I love them but that's from the way my dad was with me. It doesn't mean that my mother doesn't like me or doesn't care but she grew up with a mother who was exactly the same.I'm sure all of your family love you but you need to tell them how this is upsetting you as it's getting to you that much that you don't want to see them any more. At the end of the day getting married is supposed to be a happy occasion and something you look forward to, not being upset so chin up and focus on how great a husband you are going to have. You will now have your own little family and if your mother and sisters have taught you anything it's that you won't be the same way with your husband and maybe children one day.It'll all work out and if they are being overly mean and raining on your parade just concentrate on having a lovely day with your husband at the wedding.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): Its not too late to cancel and elope. And all things considered, maybe that is precicely what you should do. Dont allow them to bring you down. This is your wedding, and when you are left to do everything on your own, why not go all the way and elope? We cant choose our family, but we can choose how we relate to them and how much power over our lives we want to give them. Congratulations on your engagement and best of luck with the wedding. Do what you think will make you the most happy and dont look back.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (25 February 2016):
 Poor you, you are having a tough time at the moment, and with a wedding not far away this is going to add even more stress. You say you want them to help you plan, but maybe this is something you and your husband to be should do together? It might be fun, who cares if they are not looking forward to it, as long as you both are. Its all about the two off you.
Now lets have a look at these issues you have, first your sister taunts you about her flying from London. Well if it was me I would have laughed and told her that sure she doesn't need to come, and that you can easily uninvite her. Sounds like she is jealous. Don't let her upset you.
As for asking your sister to help with the plans, well maybe she has no time? Did you ask her what part specifically you need help with? Maybe she is not sure what she can do to help. Planning a wedding is difficult and when you are stressed everything seems worse than it is. Maybe you just need to be more clear with your sister.
My brother was the same about the price of the hotel, I wouldn't take this personal as everyone likes to complain about something.
Maybe your mother doesn't want to mention the wedding in fear of upsetting you as you are stressed at the moment. It is sad that she said no to walking you up the aisle but did you ask her why? Maybe she is scared? Maybe she doesn't want to take your fathers place? Talk to her about it?
Going dress shopping on your own is awful, but did you ask your mum and sisters to go with you? Maybe they felt left out so that's why they didn't ask you how you got on. Some brides can be very emotional and they might not want to trigger these emotions in you. You just need to talk to them and tell them how you are feeling, so they know where they stand. Tell them how it is effecting you and that you want them to be happy for you.
You mention comments on your career, but maybe you are being very sensitive, as to me these comments should be taking light hearted between family. Maybe they don't realize how sensitive you are. You need to start talking to them.
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