A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've heard from a couple friends at work that when we first met they kind of thought that I gave off the impression of aloofness. After getting to know me though , they realized that I'm just a quieter more reserved kind of guy. I really do have a good sense of humor, am pretty easygoing, and get along with most anyone. It really got me thinking about my lack of success with girls though. I've never had a girlfriend, never dated, and can't say I've ever met a girl interested in anything more than being friends.Maybe this is the thing that's really killing my chances. But the question is how do I fix it? I'm just naturally this way. If I'm giving off the wrong impression I don't mean to be doing it. Hang around me for any length of time and I really do come out of my shell. Put me in the situation of being around a girl I find attractive and my shyness really does come out.I've really tried to work on my confidence over the past few years and think I really have come a long way. I just can't seem to have any success with girls. I can make friends no problem. I can't figure out how to get anything beyond that. After this long, I'm doubting weather I'll ever be able to get this figured out. Any thoughts?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 I'm the same as you man, really shy around girls but its simple what you have to do, when you know a girl well and you feel you want to move past friends with her, the only thing you can do to make it happen is for you to make a move...
Ask her out on a date or if she wants to hang out just the two of you. I know it is tricky face to face so why not give her a call and ask her over the phone. Not sure I'd like to do it over text or facebook or something, but if you feel the need to then by all means do it...as long as you make the effort you'll get your answer.
The thing what we're both scared of in this case, which is what hampers me, is the rejection. The chance that a girl is going to say no and maybe that make things awkward between us. But like I say, you need to do it or you'll always wonder what if.....I took a chance on the past 2 girls I liked, got rejected on both occasions, but I had closure and knew I could move on with my lige instead of sitting around thinking 'oh I wonder if she likes me back'.
So go for it man, take a deep breath, tell yourself 'you can do this' and take the chance....if she says no to your face a simple way to avoid an awkward silence would be something like 'okay, that's cool, maybe some some other time' or something along those lines.
Anyways, good luck man, hope things work out for you as I know how bad shyness can make you feel when you lack the confidence to speak to girls!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou'd think getting to know someone as a friend would make it that much easier to take that next step towards a relationship with them, but in my experience that hasn't been the case. I just end up being another friend or that guy they know. I'm starting to feel like a Ken doll, looking like a guy yet completely void of any sexual potential. Frustrating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): Shyness is universal, and its natural for someone to be shy around girls that are extremely attractive.
But then again being shy is really being selfish. You are not allowing yourself to be open with everyone, so how do you expect them to approach you. Yes it is hard, I used to be shy before, but i have to come out of my comfort zone if i want to make changes in my life.
You can start breaking from this shyness by just being more open to them (express yourself more). For example, next time you see them, Smile and just "How are you?" to start off the conversation. And when you stutter, (there's your chance to express yourself) tell them "sorry i stutter, i'm shy around pretty girls."
if you say that, they will see more confidence in you and also they might find you cute too because you just complimented her for being pretty. Not a lot of guys have the guts to do that.
but really, its all about getting out of your comfort zone and just be out there and express yourself. but it wont happen over night. just take time and keep trying.
I hope this advice helps =)
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