A
male
age
51-59,
*evinB1289
writes:I'm 42 and married to a 31 year old Irish woman. We are together 3 years and married almost a year and a half. I have never felt insecure about a woman ever i always felt no never im divorced 8 years and with my ex i never felt insecure but we divorced when she cheated but now since i have been married to my new wife i act in this way that is in describable it is like i am over protective over her and i can not help it. If a guy talks to her i somehow begin to sweat and feel warm i don't know what it is and my heart begins to pound and until she is finished talking i can't stop that feeling. Last week we went out for a night out she was really chatty with a guy and i lashed out at her in front of everyone and just ate her until i found out after she was her cousin that also moved to the US it was then i realized i have a problem ,it took her two days to forgive me. We have been trying for a baby since we married after 6 months when we couldn't get pregnant we went to see a fertility specialist after that we found out i low sperm count and since we heard that i found it has brought a lot of pressure on me because the problem of us not having a baby is me. It's not like my wife says ''oh its your fault'' when we found out she insured me we would keep trying until it happens no matter how long it took and to not beat myself up about it, but now since a year with no luck i can't help but feel it. When my brother got his wife pregnant a few months back i remember me feeling inside ''wow my brother get 3 kids and another one on the way yet i can't even get mine pregnant once'' . I went heavy on the drink for about 2 weeks after because i found it was the only thing that would wash my troubles away . I just don't understand how some people can have as many kids as they want yet i can't even have one, i feel like pulling my hair out at times. We have even brought our sex life up to 3 days a week it just doesn't seem to happen and i don't want to adopt i want a baby of my own.I don't want to feel like my wife might fall for someone younger than me i don't know why i feel like this at times because she does a hell of a lot for me but when she is younger and pretty i can't help but feel some guy is going to come into our lives and smash it all down its when i see guys give her that look when she doesn't know it drives me crazy . Sometimes she has to pull me out or back me into a corner telling me to stop acting so clingy and like she is going to cheat that she isn't going anywhere but i can't help it especially when we can't have babies at the moment. How do i get rid of this because i feel i have a problem ?What is wrong with me? Why am i feeling like i do?
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cousin, depressed, divorce, insecure, my ex, sex life, sperm, trying for a baby, want a baby Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): Kevin: I have had this very situation, but fortunately got through it. Let me say as I read about your situation that I can tell that you are being upfront and honest with all of us. This is a problem that some men have and it does deal with a man's general insecurity about his sexuality. In my case, my wife (jokingly, I might add) threatened to have a baby with someone else, if I did not do the deed myself. It was just a joke. Still it worried me.
I think that you need to assess your situation. Does your wife love you? Would she even THINK of doing something like meeting another man? My guess is that she would NOT! NEVER!
Second, have you gone to a physician and actually tested and assessed your situation? Have you done a sperm check and sperm count? Probably you are okay, but still, I would do an examination.
Three, what about your wife? Has she had an examination? You know it is easy to take blame, but it might not be your problem to be blamed for.
Third, go talk with somebody in the professional counseling field who might be able to shed light on your anxieties.
Let me say that men can still father children pretty well into their sixties. I take pride that Paul McCartney and I are in that club. But, yes, it does take a little effort. To that extent, you might want to examine strategies and approaches to trying to get pregnant and talk with a marriage and sex counselor. I would even include your wife in that group, too. There is a lot of literature on the subject that is online. Once you have, and praying that you do, a first child, the second one may come very quickly afterwards. Let me say that my wife and I do have a beautiful child and another on the way this coming June.
So, don't give up hope. You are actually very young for being a future daddy. I am sure that you can get the job done.
Good Luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Stop the drinking.. go to a doctor and ask if there is anything you can do about the low sperm count... ( food habits sometimes can be helpful in changing health issues.. stress can also be the issue...)Any other alternative available? Test tube babies?Honestly your wife doesn't seem to have an issue.. Adoption also isn't a bad thing.. You will be saving a life.. And that kid may not be your blood but he/she will treat you more like a parent than your own.. I know its not the same.. but for a kid a parent is a parent... even if he/she is not your kid..I am having a similar issue.. I am scared to think I cannot have a baby.. but there is nothing much I can do.. I try my best to improve my health.. eat right.. not get stressed.. (cos these are what seem to be causing the problem)..I focus on my work.. focus on being a good daughter .. to be a good partner.. a good human.. a good friend.. There is nothing else but to be happy about the life I have.. And I am not married so I haven't dealt with what you have.. I am hoping things will be okay.. I am taking meds... but other than that I can't do much.. and adoption isn't a bad thing.. Plus with modern technology I'm sure there are other options available..Take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): The best thing to do is trust her until she gives you a reason not too. It's alright to have insecurities most people do, but what isn't is the fact that you are acting on them, do not. If she dose end up leaving you I very much doubt it will be for anything other then you controlling her. You are creating damage to your marriage that will only repeat and get worse. You need to get a friend to talk with and take time outs when you feel this way. Avoid going out with her in public where interaction with others is a must. Think about things harder before approaching her with it. This needs to be worked on before you consiter having a child/children. You marriage can't be fixed with a child. You need to really think about things. Never act first, think first. Also please apply a rule into your life. If you feel confused thinks with facts and not emotions. Take care......
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