A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused about how I should feel about my GF. She lies to me about little things that don't matter, but it makes me wonder if I can trust her about real issues. For example, she is under my phone plan, so I get details about her phone usage (just when and how much, I don't spring the extra to tell me who she calls because I want to trust her) and I noticed that during a time when she was ignoring me and later claimed that her phone had died and she lost her charger (about a 2 day period) she had been using her phone like crazy. Another issue is commitment. She says she never wants to get married but then says stuff like "... if I ever married you..." And when I do bring up issues she says she doesn't know what I'm talking about and acts like nothing is wrong and she has an excuse for everything. We only have this problem when I'm away (because of my school/work I only see her about every other weekend) and when we are together it's great, in fact it's amazing. But when we are apart I wonder if she even likes me sometimes. The extreme opposites are confusing the hell out of me. She is going through a tough time right now (Her parents are very recently divorced and her mother and younger sister are moving to Norway) and I think she's losing faith in relationships in general. I want to help her because I really love her but by protecting herself she is hurting me. What do I do? Do I try to wait it out and try to be there for her or is this a lost cause?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I called her a couple days ago and it turns out the root of her problems is actually her first boyfriend. They went out for 2 years and he cheated, did drugs, and lied about it to her the entire time. She said because of this she simply can't believe me when I say I love her and doesn't believe that I actually care for her. I explained how I feel and she said she would try because I do make her happy. The following day she called me and broke up with me. She tried very hard to stress that it wasn't me. She said I was absolutely perfect and more than she could have hoped for but that she just couldn't feel it. It confused her that she wasn't feeling for me what she thought she should considering I was what she always dreamed for.
Despite all this I am having a lot of trouble letting go for several reasons. Before this last week this was the happiest relationship I have ever had. I feel betrayed that she says she never really loved me because she was also the most affectionate lover (she would often call me to tell me how much she "loved" me). Nothing went wrong to end our relationship. Every other girlfriend I've had had done something that ruined the relationship and it was easier to convince myself she was not worth it. The biggest problem for me though is that she also happens to be my best friends little sister. We both want to be friends like we were before and I often go home with him on holidays because his home is only a couple hours away and mine is across the country. I cannot turn off my feelings for her, although she seems to have settled into friendship mode extremely fast.
I am suppose to go with my friend this next weekend and she says she is very excited to see me, but I don't know how I will handle her treating me like a friend when we were lovers only a couple days ago. Is it too soon to be seeing her like this or should I go and see if it brings me closure?
A
female
reader, Ms.Helper  +, writes (24 May 2009):
 I think you should give her time. If her parents have just split up she may be loosing faith in relationships, like you said.But don't give her a reason to loose faith in the relationship you have with her!It's not a lost cause I don't think, I'd just speak to her about her 'lying'. It'll get to you the more you keep it to yourself. Atleast if she knows it's off your chest.Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): When your girlfriend is in a good mood just talk to her about everything you want to tell her! Don't just say negative things, add lots of compliments like how nice she looks. My friend told me this method and I tryed it out with my boyfriend and everything is fine. I guess she is just stressed and feeling down about her parents. Good luck and I hope everything turns out ok!
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