A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.Thanks for taking the time to read/respong to my problem.I will try to make this as short as possible to get my story across.Ok,well..I met this man on yahoo chat,around May of 2005.It was innocent in the beginning,but we eventually started talking more and more online,then on the phone/texting as well.And at some point,fell in love along the way.We sooner or later decided that we were a couple,although we hadnt yet met each other.The connection was very strong,and grew with every day that we knew each other.I eventually found out,after being together for a couple months,that he had a girlfriend,whom he lived with and has a child with.After a rough time coming to terms with this,he convinced me that he was only there for his child and was actually quite miserable,but felt that he couldnt leave.We stayed together for nearly 3 years.(Over that period we did meet numerous times.)Now,we havent talked for around 8 months.I broke it off with him because I couldnt handle the stress of the situation anymore,and he also got married to her.He says because if he didnt then he was getting kicked out,and he cant not be with his daughter.Now,I know this sounds bad,and beleive me I have a lot of remorse about what we were doing.But we loved each other.Ive never felt like I knew somebody so well..he was like a part of myself.I could feel what he was feeling,and vice versa.What we both did was wrong,but love will make you do strange things.Anyways,im still to this day having extreme difficulty moving on with my life.I think of him often,and anybody that I date just doesnt do it for me emotionally like he did.I feel like I met "the one",but am unable to be with him,and now I cant seem to settle for anybody else.I want to find a healthy relationship again,im only 24 years old.But I keep holding out hope that me and this man will be together again someday when he sorts things out,and it is destroying me.What can i do to stop feeling this way? I thought I was over it,atleast enough to date again,but the more I date the more I miss him and dont want anybody else but him.This cant be healthy to feel this way so long after its been over.Do I need some sort of counseling or help to stop thinking this way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): I know how painful a breakup can be and it will take you some time to get over him if he was this important to you, so give yourself that time and allow yourself to feel those sad feelings and then allow yourself to let them go.
You really do just have to stay busy and have a whole lot of fun.....start dating girl, real men that are single just like you, don't fall for a guy on the internet, that is the danger of that, he can tell you anything and he gave you a line and sadly you fell for it hook line and sinker. The guy was a cheater, he loves the woman he married as well as his child or he wouldn't have married her no matter what he tells you.
So tell yourself there is no possible way that you will ever now or in the future get together with this guy, he broke your heart, he lied to you, a huge lie and you settled for the crumbs he offered you for three long years. I would imagine that your self esteem is in the gutter after all of that! So yes counseling would be great to help you choose better next time and to build your own self esteem. You need help finding out why you would put yourself in that situation in the first place by accepting him on those terms....he groomed you with the love and got you hooked on him and then he told you the real deal. I think he is a first class jerk and he better not be your ONE and only!
First off there are many ONE's out there for everybody, all you have to do is make a connection with someone and you will in time. But in the meantime just date a bunch of different guys and have fun....you are only 24 once so get out there and enjoy it...it is raining men!
Don't look back, delete this guys phone, email, whatever contact info you have of him and don't ever contact him again. Put any pictures or things he gave you in a box and put it in a closet you never use....get rid of all reminders and go out and live your life, girl! He's not worth it so stop feeling sorry for yourself! You must!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Well the first thing is the "online" factor. I for one cannot trust anyone I meet online unless I know them personally. This story isn't new to me at all many of my friends go through this well not with the marriage and kids. Love makes you do really weird things. I think the guy was 2 timing you though. He knew what he already had and what he was doing. He was basically just a player! I am disgusted by what he did. He should be ashamed of himself. He's already made his bed now let him lay in it. You just go find you a new bed to lay in. Honey, just forget about it I know its going to be hard considering you've known him a long wild but just find someone in your own area you can see everyday. Doesn't that sound alot better than "numerous" times...
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