A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me over a stupid reason, a minor disagreement that occurred between us. However, instead of trying to talk things out like a normal person, he decides to dump me. He always does this! Whenever there is a problem that occurs or he doesn't like when something doesn't go his way, he will either ignore me for weeks or break up with me. I'm usually the one who keeps trying to fix things with him, calling him like idiot, apologizing (even when half the time it isn't my fault) just to make peace and get back together. I'm getting awfully tired of his behavior but there is something in me that can't let him go because we have a past together. I was irritated with him after he did this yet again (broke up and ignored me). So this time I didn't give in for two weeks and made no attempts to call him, in hopes he would try to calm down, think how stupid he is reacting to such a minor thing, give him some time to miss me, and call me back to work things out. Well I guess that was wishful thinking because he made no attempts to call me or work out things with me. So I gave in after two weeks, and called him. He reacted to me very coldly when we spoke. He said that he doesn't want to talk or share anymore with me about his feelings so I should never ask him, and to be "happy" that he at least picked up my call so I could talk to him. He also told me... I called him back after all this time passed (2 weeks)... what was I doing for two weeks? I pointed it out to him he broke up with me and when I did initially call him in the beginning to work things out, he wouldn't pick up my calls. I was dumbfounded, how is he blaming me for not contacting him the past two weeks when it was him who broke up with me and told me not to contact him!?!?! After that conversation, I was like wtf. The conversation pretty much went no where except for arguing and he hung up me too! I called and texted him two days later and he doesn't even pick up his phone or call me back. Yet he got into argument with me that I don't call him the last time we spoke!?!?! I don't understand my ex's behavior and why he is so cruel/mean towards me? I just wish he would tell me how he feels towards me. I want us to be together but he makes it so difficult to work on our problems (which he causes on himself most of the time due to his irrational behavior)and communicate effectively when he does this stuff. And its worst when he doesn't want to listen to me or take the time out to work on things. Is it over for good on his end? We always end up fighting and getting back together. But this time I don't know what to do anymore? Should I give him more time to come around, leave him alone, or forget him completely?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys. But Cupidis, he was actually verbally abusive to me during our relationship together. I feel like what he is doing now is emotional abuse (pretty much the whole relationship can be summed up to that). I don't understand how someone can get a kick of hurting someone like this? My friends tell me I'm so nice, he's taking advantage of the fact that I won't leave him, and to find someone that is worthwhile and treats me right.
I think there is something wrong with me though because I keep running back to him. How do I stop this? I feel like an idiot for calling someone who doesn't pick up the phone and clearly doesn't care about my feelings at all. Every time I do that, the wounds get deeper and its a shot to my self-esteem. How do I get over this guy and take my power back? I truly have trouble letting go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): He is a immature spoiled brat. Nothing unsexier than a guy with what in my opinion is such an effeminate quality. He's being cruel to you and he knows it but he doesn't want to feel guilty for how he is treating you. So he finds a way to blame everything on you. And as long as you believe that you are to blame and that you deserve this treatment (which you do believe, since you always are the one to apologize and give in to calling him) then that takes all the guilt and blame off of his shoulders.
And that is what he is doing.
It is also somewhat sado-masochist. He is sadist, you are masochist. He likes to torture you and you obviously like the torture since you keep putting up with it.
Look, my ex boyfriend recently acted very similar to your ex. One day flipped a switch and turned stone cold. He was so mean to me. I'll be honest, I miss him, I did love him and I am not over him yet. But I would rather eat shit than ever be treated like that again. You will regret every tear you ever cried for him. This guy is not worth it. Move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): Forget him! He is treating you like crap and obviously doesn't care for you at all, and you just keep going back for more? Why??!! The more time you waste on him, the longer it's going to take you to find a GREAT guy! Find some self respect, stop giving him the satisfaction of coming back with your tail between your legs, and get on with your life!
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 It's obvious that you don't like this guy.
He's irrational and has behavior problems.
So you try to change him, mold him, teach him. And you wonder why it doesn't work.
Have you ever seen those morphing, screaming demon faces on youtube. That's what he sees when he thinks about you.
And that is why he is so cold as ice, I would be too if you constantly had to discuss MY behaviour MY actions MY everything. I would soon get the message "you do not like me"
Everyone tends to gravitate towards people that show genuine like me as I am people. But if I start kicking my dog every time he doesn't sit on command, sooner or later I'm going to wake up with one foot.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (12 June 2011):
Wow. He is really raking you over the coals. And YOU are the only one who can stop it. Take back your own power and move on. He is acting like a jerk and you should never have to beg to be with someone. If it was truly you guys "working on your problems" - he'd be calling you not blaming you. Sorry to say it but he doesn't seem interested and neither should you. He is not treating you nice at all. Move on. The best way I've done it - delete his # from your phone and every time you're tempted to call -- think about how rude he was last time. He doesn't deserve you at this point.
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