A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend lives about an hours drive away from me but neither of us drive. every weekend we make plans to meet with one of us taking the bus but every week she has something come up last minute. Like her family needs her help.Or she has the flu.Or whatever. Each excuse is completely reasonable in itself but it's happened for weeks now. every time she cancels she seems genuinely sorry. i really want to see her but haven't been able to for over a month. we do talk on the phone and computer and she always seems fine like she doesn't seem distant or anything, and seems excited to finally get to see me next weekend, but it never happens. now she promised to see me this weekend but all I can do now is worry about what will come up so she can't see me. I can't get as excited anymore. how long should I keep dealing with this? I have no reason to believe she's lying but it's so hard for me to never see her because something always comes up. what would you guys do in a situation like this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 August 2012):
 I am sorry to say this, but you are way too forgiving. I think there is something else happening here.
And I don't think getting accusatory or angry will help.
Next time you speak to her ask her to decide when she is well enough to receive a visit and for her to them initiate a visit to you.
Throw the ball back into her court. She can advise you when she is able to travel and she can so the travelling to meet you.
And I don't think you should get excited. I hope this means you are receiving her? If this is her time to visit you, then good. If she visits you, then that will be good.
But if she lets you down again then pull back from the contact. Let her know how disappointed that so many obstacles have arisen time and time again.
And make sure that she initiates the next visit and that it is she who does the visiting. But don't get your hopes up. She may be playing games. So have some alternative activities ready for you to enjoy just in case she lets you down again.
And prepare yourself for the fact that she may be one of those people who always like to feel like the victim and the aggrieved party. So they can moan to others about hard done by they are. That sort of person behaves very badly for an extended period. Being unreliable. In the hope that the other person will do the breaking up.
That way Y can portray themselves as the innocent party. "Look what x did to me? Isn't it terrible that x could do to me when I never did anything wrong?'
Except x just got sick of Y's annoying actiions. Never being true to their word. Arriving late. or not arriving at all. Forgetting appointments time and time again. Being thoughtless and mean. But always having an escuse.
No one should have to put up with such gutless passive aggressive behaviour forever. Not unless they are a wimp and like being played So X breaks up with Y. And Y lies and claims, 'why did X do this to me? pass me the tissues, I need to have another cry'
When in reality Y will go on to find another person and do it to the next person all over again.
I may be wrong. But either your girlfriend has the worst health possible and a series of the most incredible set of circumstances that no one could ever envisage. Or else she is lying to you.
Please take care not to get played.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Hi
If she doesnt meet this weekend I would call it a day, it seems strange all these things come up suddenly at the weekend doesn't it? The excuses are just that.
(You dont say if you have ever actually met before or if this would be a first meeting,if its a first time then she could just be putting it off in case you dont like her in the flesh.)
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