A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My question is, should I have hope in an exclusive non serious relationship turning into a serious relationship? Non serious meaning (nothing more physical than the occasional hug and holding hands, talking and going out and having fun).Basically the reason for the question is that I've been dating a girl for 10 months. I first started dating her about 2 months after she broke up with her ex-bf of a 3 year relationship. So in a sense she wasn't healed fully when she got with me.Anyway we've been having intimacy issues and she feels that she can't give me what I need in a serious relationship (i.e. calling everyday, seeing each other atleast 4 times a week etc). She saying that she ideally wants to be in a serious relationship with me, but feels that she still needs to fully heal, develop herself as a person, but because she has feelings for me, doesn't want to let go of this relationship. Also she feels that by being in an ex-clusive non serious relationship, we can concentrate more on just having fun, becomming like best friends and hopefully over time get into something deeper. Also we obviously concentrated a lot on the physical side of things when we previously termed our relationship "serious". Do you ppl think I'm wasting my time having down-graded my relationship or should I have hope that something good can come out of this, I.e. a deeper friendship, better communication and hopefully a serious relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers people. Yeah lately I've been playing it cool and a girl at work is also showing interest in me, so these things have actually made her say to me again..."I love you".
Offcourse I didn't fall for it and told her that she can't be so wishy washy, but now I feel like the one being chased. She told me something like, she likes the fact that I'm not so in her face and controlling anymore, which she's really attracted to. For me, I think that's awesome, cos i'm having fun now doing my own thing, flirting with other girls and she's starting to cling onto me lol...
In some ways, her clingyness, which i'm not used to is getting annoying, haha.
But yeah its sad in a way, cos now that she's saying that she feels close to me, I don't really feel that close to her...Hmmmm
What can i do so that both of us get what we want?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Let her know how much she means to you but you're looking for a serious relationship with someone who is emotionally available. Say you want to see other people. Once your not there for her shes going to realise what shes letting slip. maybe it will make her up her game.good luck:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Downgrade to an open relationship and begin seeing other people ASAP. You don't really have to dump her, but don't put all your eggs into one basket either. She's just not at the level of interest that requires a serious relationship. I'm in one of these right now. She says I'm great awesome and the same old rhetoric, but she doesn't want more than just chilling and having fun. And really you just are wasting your feelings especially if you like her too much. Don't be fooled your a best friend with benefits. Keep her number, go out and date and if you get lonely give her a call ;-)
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