A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I dated a woman for two years around twenty years ago. Haven't seen her since. What is she trying to say to me? What does she want? I really loved her but she hurt me and I have a family now.DMYesterday the father of my ten year old child died suddenly. The finality of death is a devastating thing. Loss...In losing you I lost a part of myself. I wonder why you never loved me enough to find me again. Is it fair to ask that question? I don't know. Or was there another reason? Were you even aware that I wanted you to? I have seen you deep inside, beneath the thoughts and actions we acquire to move through life and I want you to know that you were always worthy. Always. You did not need to make a device to be included. I feel sad for you in some ways because I believe at times you have allowed yourself to be chosen rather than to have actively made your own choices. I don't know why over all these years I haven't been able to create a resolution. An exceptional thing becoming an instrument of pain. Pain in the absence of another. Based not on a paucity of or mis understanding but on things that are simply not expedient. Hope as happiness and peace, not as survival. Why I want to see you one day, in the not too distant future, is too look at the lines time has etched on your face, the clothes you wear, your gestures, the expression in your eyes, to see how you have changed.This is not art work but blood and guts, minutes ticking by that measure years, a real life thing. And in my heart I honour the man that was the father of my little girl. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): yes, please speak to your wife first before contacting this person. the moment you go behind your wifes back and contact this woman you are opening up possible conflict in your home. and i am sure you are happy with the wife so don't do something you may regret. strange that this woman has sent you such a letter. what is she hoping to achieve by this letter. but more importantly what do you expect to gain if you do decide to contact her after 20 years. maybe you will be opening up a can of worms, maybe regrets. can you really afford to make contact with this person again. so many people have regreted making contact with past loves. it has destroyed their present lives. whatever you decide please do it jointly with your wife.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Oh my. I didn't understand at first that you'd received this as a letter (email? Facebook?) from your ex.
She's grieving, and in her grief she's decided to get stuff off her chest. It's not unusual to turn to an ex when something traumatic happens and you don't feel you have someone to talk to. Twenty years? That part *is* unusual.
I suspect she wants you to contact her so she has someone to pour her heart out to. Your call whether you want to go there or not. Personally I'd be wary. It doesn't sound like her judgment is all that sound at the moment (understandably!), and the complications of re-establishing contact might get awkward.
But, if you think you can handle it, discuss it with your wife first. If she's OK with it, then you can send a note of condolence. It would be good karma.
Best of luck.
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