A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex appears to be avoiding me after we had sex. We've been broke up for 5 months now because he didn't feel enough for me to be in a relationship and saw me as a friend. But we carried on having sex until about 3 months ago. Then it stopped because he said he sees me as a best friend and like a brother and that after sex he started to feel wrong about it, even though he still finds me physically attracted to me. So we carried on just being best friends (though me not telling him how much Im in love with him). When we are together just me and him we cuddle alot anyway, and thursday night was no exception. We had a sleepover and it led to us being aroused which we sometimes get (but usually do nothing about it), but this time it led to more. He asked for sex, but before I agreed I made him promise me that he wouldn't regret it, because I didn't want to be a regret again. He assurred me that he would not regret it. After sex I also confirmed that again with him. then in the morning he asked when he could see me again, and said he'll check his calendar for this week and next week and that he'll message me later on...He never did, it got to 11 hours later (9pm) before I messaged him asking him...no reply...and I hadn't got a reply, sent him another message today and no reply. I get a big strong feeling that I'm being avoided, and I don't get why. Does anyone have any ideas on why he might be behaving like this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): thanks for the advice guys. (original poster)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Have some self respect and self love and stand up for yourself. This man bascially just asked you to let him use you for sex. And with it, disrespected you by ignoring you and playing the cold shoulder, silent treatment aka treat you like sh*t.
You can hurt and be sad and even angry, but not for long. Because you are going to snap out of it and realize when you act like a victim, and act weak of heart and mind, then yes, people see it and will take advantage of how fabulous, loving, caring you are.
You can be lovin, caring, and fabulous and still have a backbone.
Anyone comes around you, sniffing, its on your terms. And really, I agree your heart isn't meant to be anyones FWB or boy toy.
You are a man of great self worth, that deserves an Equal that will treat you as such.
So stand firm. Have the healthy boundaries up, be consistant with your expectations.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 December 2011):
 "I get a big strong feeling that I'm being avoided, and I don't get why"He did explain, he doesn't feel enough for you in a romantic way, but he likes you as a friend. After sex he feels guilty about using you, because you love him, but he doesn't love you. He's having sex with you because your available, he is horny, and the sex is probably great. But good sex doesn't change his feelings. He hates himself for treating a "friend" so badly.So he avoids you.Before sex a man will promise all kinds of things, they promise to marry you, they promise to love you forever, they promise they won't have regrets and they'll treat you nicely afterwards..... After sex, when their brains are no longer clouded with passion, they regret the things they said and feel ashamed...So he avoids you.It's not a good idea to sleep with a guy who you are in love with, but who has no love for you. Your wanting more than he can give, your giving your body to someone who will soon move on and find a new girlfriend. He knows all this.So he avoids you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 He's playing you, unfortunately. You're in love with him, but he wants no strings attached FWB fun. This is a danger to keeping an ex in your life and being sexually active. You have feelings for him that make this kind of arrangement not good for you.
I'd leave him alone and if he gets back into touch with you, especially for a booty call, tell him that you can't do the FWB thing and want a relationship or nothing with him.
Your heart is getting broken because you feel for him what he doesn't for you now.
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