A
female
age
30-35,
*_Beth-X
writes:We were together 4.5 years, he lied to me and I was angry and hurt so I ended it. When he didn't fight for me, I did my best to make things work and even though he said he still loved me he didn't deserve me and didn't know what he wants. He was depressed for a few weeks, drank during the day, didn't eat etc. I met him twice and we slept together but then when I went back to uni during he met another girl and kissed her a few times. He said it was ok cos he was single and it didn't mean anything. I kept contacting him, met him once more, told me he loved me but didn't know what he wants, can't live with how much he's hurt me. He said I was still everything to him and although she was nice he wasn't attracted to her. After a talk he promised to just be her friend as he still had feelings for me and we were still sorting things out. Then when I went back to uni he stopped contacting me unless I text/rang him and after a week of no contact, he says he's been seeing a lot of her and that she's not his girlfriend "yet". He said he's starting to become attracted to her and misses me "a bit". Then he said he isn't over me, still loves me and still loves everything about me. I asked if I could see him when I was home an d he said he doesn't think he wants me so cos he "won't cheat on her". I was very upset and ended the call, saying goodbye forever and he doesn't care what our relationship meant. After I calmed down I tried to ring again but he said to just text and what did I want. He said "why hang up on me" so he was upset that I did. On the phone he also asked what I was doing and what had I been up to. When he switched extensions he said "don't hang up ok, don't hang up, Im just switching phones", so he cared. I sent him a text asking to meet up to say goodbye face to face after all we've been through and that I accept he's with her now. I said we both still love each other and I don't want to leave things this way. He never replied.I didn't text again and decided to see him when I was home. A week later when I was home my friend told me his facebook says he's in a relationship and it looks like they're together a lot. This really hit home and I'm so hurt he's actually got a new girlfriend after loving me almost obsessively for nearly 5 years, saying he wants to marry me and texting me every day, being best friends. It makes no sense. Is he rebounding? How can he want someone else so soon, weeks after almost 5 years with me?I've thought about writing him a goodbye letter to make him realise what he's lost with me as even though I know it's over for good I feel he doesn't appreciate all that I gave him for nearly 5 years. He hurt me, so he should still love me. Yet I've been replaced so quickly. Is this his way of dealing with it and getting over me? I feel I need to see him face to face and hand the letter over, showing him I'm ok and saying goodbye to him in a mature way so show him what he's lost but I'm not sure I could hold it together. I feel so angry and hurt and confused at the person I've loved and shared my life with and been so close with for so long. I know he can't mean it, but then again he might do. Should I see him to say goodbye for closure and my pride? Is he rebounding, can he be over me that fast after how much he loved me/wanted to marry me?
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female
reader, Invisible_pain  +, writes (13 June 2012):
Hi .. I'm sorry you went through this. It's hard when you are in it so deep. I went through somethings like this.. and I'm jsut coming out of it .. slowly. But you need to stay away from him. He isn't rebounding. He's moving on. THing is when he cheated.. he was already exploring moving on. He needed u around because of the familiar feeling, the comfort you gave him.. the good feelings you gave HIM. It's been all about HIM HIM HIM.. you need to start thinking of YOU now. You need a clean break. Wanting to see him to say bye etc. it's only your way of hoping and feeling liek maybe he will want to get back with me.. remember how much he loves me.. that sort of thing.. is it like that? Cuz it was like that for me. I was clinging on to something that is a lost cause.. and youa re doing the same by wanting one last meeting. he has moved on. If he has the heart to do that then you need to do the same. I'm nto saying move on to another man .. I'm saying move on with making yourself WHOLE again.. on your OWN. You DON'T need him to complete you. Work on YOU. Yopu must LOVE yourself. The next tiem you fall in love you will meet the man who LOVES you. There's nothing more attractive than a confident woman who can hold her own. I hope you feel better. If you meet him, it won't be getting closure or helping your pride. U'd be bruising it. EBcuase he's clearly happy. So why should you waste your time on him and when u see that in person.. that he's happy it'll hurt os much more.... don't do it .. hugs!
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