A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Pull up a chair, grab a drink, and perhaps something to eat... this is gonna be a long one...I was dating a girl whom i believe to be the love of my life but also my soul mate (and at the time best friend). After a couple years, I proposed, she said yes and the engagement was on. About a year into the engagement (maybe more)everything fell apart in the matter of about 3 weeks. She started hanging out with the "wrong" crowd, and I was very busy with work at the time and apparently she found someone else without my knowledge... well, i soon found out about it, and it was the worst hurt ive ever experienced. Needless to say we parted ways and I had no contact with her thereafter. (and believe me this is the shortened version of what really happened... after re-reading this it doesnt sound a fraction of how bad it really was)I "thought" I got over it, wound up dating again, found someone new, got engaged and married. Turns out this woman was a sociopath who made my life a living hell for the next 2 and a half years. I was there for the birth of her child (which wasn't mine), raised him for 2 years as my own, until she decided she didn't want to be a mom anymore, she just wanted to hang out with her friends and party everynight while i watched the baby and went to work all day (and night sometimes) (btw, she took a part time job that made no money just so she could get a discount at her favorite store... meh.. I finally had enough of being walked on, and when i couldnt afford the house she wanted to buy, she stopped talking to me altogether. I called the lawyer and had that whole situation taken care of. (pretty painlessly actually, there really was nothing she could do, i had photographs of "things" and i paid for EVERYTHING... anywho..)Another year goes by and I'm in and out of short term relationships with the wrong people again. At this point though, I've started to take some control of my life, started my own business (still have a great "day" job) everything is going great... then I get an IM one day... It's from the ex-fiance... Well, all sorts of emotions started bubbling up which caused a pretty big revelation for me, which is why I'm writing this. I still love this girl. I realized that i never stopped loving her. At my wedding, in the hospital at the birth of my stepson, every trip i took, every achievement i made... I was thinking about her and how much i wanted her to be there with me. I invited her to an event i was having, she showed up, we talked, exchanged numbers... was pleasent. (I hadn't seen her face in 4 years at this point...)A few days later a friend of mine and I went out for a couple of drinks and dinner and we got to talking about that meeting. (he was there and spoke with her at length about lots of things while i was busy working the event). He gets a few in him, and decides to tell me that he had a convo about her and I to her... He got one statement out and decided he shouldn't say any more and wouldnt tell me anything else really that she had said. The statement went a lil something like this - Friend - "So how is it seeing *-me-* again"Girl - "Well... kinda gives me butterflies"Whats that mean?! Tell me what else she said!! ... NOPE, got no more information than that. So that being said, I tried to contact her to no avail, I've gotten no response from emails, etc. I see her online all the time but I kinda take the "no response" as a "leave me alone" and being the respectful idiot that I am, I stay away. So what's my next move here... I'm at a complete loss, I miss her so much, and I feel that if I just come out and tell her that, it's not going to help the situation. At this juncture in my life I would probably do just about anything to get her back. HELP!
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best friend, engaged, exchanged numbers, fiance, money, soulmate, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, didn't get the chance to do the flowers thing, but we're supposed to go out to dinner this week... im crossing everything, (even things that shouldnt be crossed!)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow that was quick! Thanks for the replies, I think I'm going to send some flowers to the work place... see what happens. I've already lived without her this long, I guess even the worst outcome is no different than how things are now. Hopefully time has healed what went wrong. I'll let ya know how things go. I should write a movie based on this lol.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (10 October 2008):
 You only live once. If this is the girl of your dreams and you would do anything to win her back then do so. Life is not a game and we can not go through life like a chess match making a move trying to predict what someone else will do.
My advice to you is to go after what you want and don't stop until you get it or you are told you will never get it. This way, you will always know you've done all that you could and you never left anything on the table. Nothing in life hurts more than wondering what would have happened if you only did xxxx.
Good luck and I hope you get the woman of your dreams and you two life happily ever after.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): I think your first step is to sit down your friend and explain to him how you feel about this woman, and that he really has to tell you exactly what she said. If he is your friend he'll understand and will stop messing with you and tell you what she said. Just be prepared, it might be exactly what you wanted to hear, it might be exactly what you wanted not to hear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): to me this just sounds like it's a love story and u will be reunited - however, being realistic it may not happen. you should tell her your feelings and see what she says. keep us informed and good luck x
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