A
female
age
41-50,
*leeptimegirl
writes:what do you do when your ex comes to your when they are having girlfriend issues??my ex is kinda having an affair with a woman who is involved with another man, she keeps telling him she is going to leave her husband for him, and then she changes her mind so he tells her where to go and not contact him, but sure enough she creeps back in and all is well again. everytime the crap hits the fan he comes to me tellng me of what she has done and that he is finshed with her and calls her the most awful names, her then wants to hang out with me and our children. he doesnt say that he wants me back as we both know we are finished but i am kinda getting a bit tired of the on again off again situation.i just tell him not to reply to her as she is playing him and she is never going to leave and he always agrees with me, but then things pick up and simply tells me theat the husband is going to be kicked out and blah blah blah revolving circle.i know he really likes her (loves) but seriously,i really dont need to know but dont want to turn him away either as we have gotten to a stage where we are actually friends and can do stuff with our children together.why doesnt he go to one of his guy friends?? why does he come to me??
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male
reader, Weeks  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 I think you are doing fine. You told him and her, so it is up to them to fix their ways and thought process.
One small but important thing though, taking away friendship from him will impact him as he says so, and it will also effect your children. Watching or sensing strife between parents effects child psyche. And they can sense it. I am sure you are mindful of that and may be that is one of the reasons why you are still friends with him.
A
female
reader, sleeptimegirl +, writes (16 March 2011):
sleeptimegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have explained a million times to both him and her that i am not involved with anything that is going on between them. I told her in particular that there is no reason to feel threatened by me and i am just not going to disapear as my ex and i have children together and hence i will always be around in some form for our children only and yes i am friends with my ex and that is where it ends.
to him i explained that while yes, what you are doing is wrong, i can be here to listen but i am tired of hearing the same situation over and over again. i will support him but i will only support him if he takes a stand and shows me some respect in regards to this situation. yes he made his choice to hold out to hope for this woman to kick her husband out so they can be together or what ever, but i will not caught in the middle for doing what i normally do (ie dropping kids off ect) and made to feel like i am doing something wrong..........i will not take away our children, but i will take away our friendship and that is something he did tell me he doesnt want to lose.
am i on the right track here?
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A
male
reader, Weeks +, writes (15 March 2011):
That puts the situation in slightly different perpective. You seem to be coming from the point "be happy with her, but if you are not, please spare me the details, and I dont want to come between you two"The other lady's "plying both" approach must be evident to your ex, and he probably wants to hang onto you for emotional support. As a friend, you may owe him that.Except for reducing contact with your ex, the only other way out seems to be talking frankly to your ex and convincing him what you want. That is, if you have already not done it.
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A
female
reader, sleeptimegirl +, writes (15 March 2011):
sleeptimegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys, the other reason i want to keep away from this is the fact that this woman is incredibly jealous and if she drives past and my car is in the his driveway she texts and and asks him why i am there and is anything going on?? he just tells her that its not illegal to be friend with your ex and 90% of the time i am either dropping the kids off or picking them up. also her husband knows what has gone on and although she tells her husband that nothing is going on, she tell my ex that she cant text at night as he is home etc........ she is plying them both.......its a clear as day to me what she is up to but as clear as mud to my ex..will he ever get it through his thick head???
thanks again for your replies.... i am hapy to be friends but just dont need to know the details of this affair.
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A
female
reader, MomokaAiko  +, writes (14 March 2011):
He probably comes to you because you two have a connection with each other, but he needs to stop. First off, he's having an affair with a MARRIED woman. Did he ever think about what would happen if the husband found out? Obviously not. And second, he needs to leave you alone. You two aren't together anymore, and it seems like you don't really want to be friends. I had a similar experience like this with my ex -- always whining to me whenever something went wrong, but didn't really want to do anything to fix it himself, and always did the opposite of what I suggested when he asked for advice. The only way to end the frustration on both sides was to cut off the "friendship". I understand this won't be as simple because you have children together, but I'm sure you could work something out. Point being, he should be going to his guy friends and not you about these things. If he doesn't have any guy friends, then he should go make some instead of chasing the forbidden fruit, because that woman is never going to leave her husband.
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A
male
reader, Weeks +, writes (14 March 2011):
Men and women think differently, and your advice to him may be better. I think you should continue to listen to him, even though you dont need to know. It is a friend's need. You may be his only lady friend he could confide in.The good thing is that your ex and you are still friends. He seems to have the trust in you, that you know him and may be able to guide him better from a lady's perpective.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Possibly because a lot of men don't talk about such stuff, or possibly because remaining friends with an ex is always a bit ambiguous and he comes to his (former) wife (you) with his problems.My advice is stay out of it. This is between him and her and he should be talking to her about it not you.I'm pleased for you that you are now able to be friends and do stuff with your children together. But if he wants to offload, it might be better for him to take the kids out without you, and vice versa.
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