A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My ex boyfriend and I dated for one year, we never had any fights and truly loved each other. Before we started dating I told him that for our relationship to work, he ll need to convert to my religion. He promised he d try to learn more and told me that converting should not be an issue. I confronted him 6 months later after noticing he didn't want to learn anything about religion and we broke up. We got back together after he told me he would do anything it takes to learn and that he loved me too much to let go. Another 6 months went by and he told me he can't do it. He told me his family loves him and won't disown him but he just wouldn't convert. His family didn't approve of me after knowing I had a different religion thought they liked me when they invited me over to their house the first time. Anyway time went by and we got back together again as friends with benefits. We care a lot about each other and we text every day. However he still doesn't want anything to do with my religion. My birthday is coming up and he offered to drive to see me since I live out of town and to take me to dinner and give me my gift. I m honestly looking for something beyond just friends with benefits but I m scared to lose my best friend. I also wonder if I keep talking to him, he ll eventually want to convert. What should I do? I m in a place in my life where I m ready to settle down. I m highly educated and truly care about people. I don't know how I can still be friends with my ex without being attached. Also any tips on how to honestly talk to him would be great.Thanks
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (12 January 2015):
I was in his situation. My wife never gave me an ultimatum but she at least wanted me to"explore" her church. I did everything she and her church asked of me and felt no"spark" that let me know I was making the right choice by joining. So, I didn't join. She was, of course, disappointed, but she understood and accepted that I couldn't possibly lie my way into the church.
So I purpose a challenge to you: if your religion is the one true religion, then he should be able to investigate your church by doing whatever it is they say he should do (meet with missionaries, go to church, pray, speak to religious leaders, etc.). If, at the end of all that if he gives an honest effort, wouldn't God or whoever you worship let him know that he's making the right choice? Shouldn't he WANT to convert at that point?
Unless you want him to convert solely for appearances, in that case I can't help you as he's made his position clear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): I would wonder if he may be showing signs of dementia and I would not take it personally.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 January 2015):
 You can't be friends with your ex, and let me ask you this:
Why can't you convert to his religion?? Why is YOUR religion not on the table and his is?? Why aren't you committing yourself to being as open-minded as you are expecting him to be?? Better yet, why not BOTH of you leave your religions and find a common ground either in something new or leaving religion altogether??
It's easier said than done, isn't it?? Converting religion isn't something like changing cell phone companies. It's a lifetime legacy and deep personal beliefs. And, it's an insurmountable roadblock in a relationship where personal beliefs are important.
You can't have both in this one, and to keep him around, trying to be "just friends" (FWB) won't change things. In fact, it'll make finding someone new very difficult, as most people don't want to start a relationship with someone who isn't over their exes, keeping contact while dating the new person.
You either have to convert yourself, or drop the stipulation and accept that he will never change and neither will you. Can two religious belief systems co-exist peacefully for life?? Why such pressure anyways?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): My advice is consistent, and I want to say it yet again.
Don't commit to someone you have to change.
If they have ways, traditions, or habits you can't live with; let them change of their own free will, before you commit to each other. Rather than committing and breaking-up; because they wouldn't, or couldn't, change to suit you.
You should discontinue the sex; and if you want more, you should keep the friendship platonic. Stay single until you find a man who practices your religion, and deeply cares for you. The truth is, he had no intention of ever converting; and he was hoping you'd start to care for him so deeply you would stop asking him to.
Why would you ask someone to convert for you? Shouldn't he convert out of love for the higher power he believes in?
To be true to your religion you should be devout, and real in your beliefs. Do you want someone who changed only because you pressured them to? Wouldn't it be hypocritical to pretend you believe in something you don't? You're more or less asking him to fake it; apparently so your family will accept him.
You should either end it altogether, or accept him as he is.
He told you he couldn't do it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2015):
 IF you can BE friends with him, good. But you already know him converting ISN'T an option, which rules him out (for you) as a future partner. So.. with that in mind do you really think it's a good idea to hang on to this "friendship" thing with him?
Instead of expecting a guy to convert FOR you. Why not LOOK for a guy of YOUR own religion, who you share other values with?
To me dating someone and INSTANTLY wanting to "fix" them (in your case convert) seems intolerant of you.
IF (and it seems it is) religion IS that important to you, then I'd advice to cut the contact with this guy so you CAN find someone you share more in common with.
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