A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I left my boyfriend because he had a temper. He said some hurtful things and never seemed remorseful to me. After two weeks of no contact, he started talking to me again and things were going pretty good. We decided to organise a second meet up, but before the end of the conversation he got cranky with me over nothing and I told him it was best we didn't see each other. I called him a few days later and we talked about our relationship. It was the best talk we have ever had and really understood each other. He aplogised for how he hurt me, we really got where each other was coming from.Now, here's the tricky part...I leave for exchange for 4 months on the weekend. It was my last chance to see him, and I didn't. At the end of the conversation he told me he didn't want to talk to me anymore because he would "never get what he wanted". I tried to ask what that was. At first I got nothing, and then he told me 'closure'. I don't think that's true, he flirted last time I saw him. I asked him if he was wanting to get back together and he denied it. He says because I didn't bother to see him, then I can't be bothered with anything else. He said we won't speak again, but then hasn't deleted me from facebook, and also told me he'd talk to me when I get back. I feel like I have a million mixed signals, and don't know what to think. I honestly thought we where in a good place to try again, not necessarily right away but...eventually. But he also said he doesn't want to leave things and wants it resolved now (all whilst denying he wants me back...)I feel so lost as to if i should try and speak to him again or leave him to contact me. Advice would be great!
View related questions:
facebook, flirt, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 August 2013):
 I think those 4 months with NO contact will be GOOD for you. YOU need to hold on to the HOW it made you feel when he had his "temper go off", not look back on the good part, because those are the ones that keep you talking to him.
For some closure is a mythical beast. And for him accepting that his TEMPER is what ended it is not going to happen.
Remove/block/delete him from FB and your phone. It's the only way you can put him in the past.
HE is not magically going to STOP having that temper or treat you the way he did. He is putting ALL the blame on you. YOU fault you broke up, YOUR fault he didn't get "closure" YOUR fault this and that... and then he leaves you hanging because it's a way to control you. To remind you that he is still there and it's YOUR fault he is "alone".
Stop playing games, he can play with himself if he wants to, but you really need to CUT the contact for good.
4 months apart is not going to fix him. Remember that.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (21 August 2013):
 It is hard, OP. It's impossible to simply switch off feelings, it takes time. That's why the 4 month break is going to be good for you both.
Good luck, and be patient with yourself. When you have gooey moments of missing him, remind yourself of the times when he made you feel like crap - i.e. don't place him on a pedestal; be realistic about how it really was, how you really felt and why you broke it off in the first place. His anger issues aren't going to be resolved in a matter of weeks or even months, and I suppose that's the bottom line.
I personally think no contact (at all) is the best way forward to make things easier for both of you. Not saying it's easy, but in my experience it's the best way to move on. Well done for hiding his FB news feeds - it's a good first step.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I don't mean to play mind games. I only wanted to give him second chance if he wanted to take it. I have already removed his statuses from my feed. I really don't want to see what he's doing. I know realistically we will probably never be back together, and my head knows that it's probably a bad choice to go back...it's just hard. Other than the temper he was a great guy who I shared so many good times with. To know that we both still care makes it even harder. I know the temper wasn't okay, but it doesn't make things easier.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (21 August 2013):
Hi OP,
You dumped him because he has a temper (I think this was the right move, by the way), then told him you don't want to see him again after he was cranky with you (fair enough). But now you're talking about getting back together. Those are really mixed signals.
The four month break will do you (both) good. Can I suggest you either delete him from Facebook, or hide his updates and don't stalk his page? You need some proper time away from him with no games, no mixed signals coming from either of you. Facebook updates etc are just a big head-f*ck at the best of times after a break up, and are even worse when one or both are playing games in the hopes of either getting back together or getting some sort of revenge.
There are lots of nice guys out there OP, you don't need to settle with a boy who has a bad temper and says hurtful things to you. You really don't.
To answer your question, I think you should leave him to contact you rather than speaking to him again, but what I'm actually hoping is that you'll both leave each other alone and walk away from a relationship that didn't work.
All the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013): He's still being mean and trying to leave you confused and in a bad place. If you broke up with him, let him go. Stop going back an forth and make up your mind.
He dropped a bomb on you so you'll be miserable while you're gone. He didn't delete you from Facebook, to make you think there is still hope. He's going to punish you for breaking up. He's be nice, then really cruel.
Every-time you go back you have a bad experience, or he says something that hurts you. You have to learn that when a boy is bad for you, you get away from him. You can't tame him with a few nice conversations. He's the same jerk, just having a nice conversation.
It's good that you're going away. Leave him alone and stop playing back and forth, he's going to hurt you. I mean bad. Because you're playing games too.
...............................
|
