A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had been building a 'relationship' with a guy online for about 2 months which started with just messaging, then we emailed, then text...eventually when I felt confident enough we spoke on the mobile phone yesterday. It became apparent pretty soon into our first telephone call that he was masturbating at the same time. Although we have had some intimate conversations at times by text and a couple of pics... we were simply having a normal conversation and planning ideas on where to meet for our first date etc. It was not agreed to have telephone sex! I had been really looking forward to talking to this guy and it has made me feel disgusted and confused - I was so stunned I didn't know what to say and left it that we would talk again today maybe. He is 38 years old and has not had a long term girlfriend (longest relationship was 6 months). Is this something I can move on from or is it a bad sign? That probably sounds like a ridiculous question but I have no experience of online dating and wonder if I have been stupid and wasted my time - really thought he was a nice guy too. I have not responded to any of his texts today.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 February 2014):
 Let this one go and find one who is already housebroken.
See this is a learning lesson instead of a waste of time. You know more today than you did a month ago and before long, you'll be able to weed out the bad almost immediately.
The others are right about becoming intimate so soon. If you want men to get to know YOU then you have to show them you and not entice them with what might be between your legs. This casual engagement in things sexual does not show men you're skilled, confident and open minded. It just shows them you're eager to please.
Instead of trying to find a mate, take some time to just practice.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 Now, you're POSITIVE he was masturbating? Did you ask him what he was doing?
LIke Honeypie says, maybe he was just assuming that's what your relationship was going to be like. If you guys were talking dirty, perhaps he saw this as being about sex and not really being about any sort of meaningful relationship. I think if you wanted to be taken seriously as a significant other, you should put off the dirty talk and the pictures until after you know each other - otherwise, you're really just setting up the parameters for your relationship as light, sexual, non-commital fun.
However, I do think that if he was IN FACT masturbating on the phone when you were just calling to chat and set up a date - that's pretty gross, rude and perverted.
If you do go out with him, be prepared for the fact that he could be just as gross, rude and perverted in real life. I think I'd cancel the date if it were me. I don't think I'd chance that he'd start masturbating while looking at the menu!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 February 2014):
 I don't think it's a far jump from sexting to masturbating while talking (or phone sex), even if you hadn't agreed to it. What exactly did you think he was doing with the intimate texts/pictures?
If you are willing to have intimate conversations with a guy you barely know (and I don't 2 months of online and text/sexting equates knowing a person) maybe he is considering YOU masturbatory material (along with the pictures) more then he considered you a person.
You CHOOSE to have "intimate" conversations early on, before you had even been on a date. My guess is that he thought you were as much into it as he was.
HOWEVER, I do find that nasty too. And honestly I thought it's pretty immature to sit and jack off while panning a date, seriously?! My guess it he isn't looking for a relationship, more for a F-buddy or a "fwb".
My advice is to tell him. And then you can decide if you actually want to met him or not - or if you want to let this one go.
My second piece of advice is to NOT bring sex in any form (a little flirting can be fine mind you) til you know the person better and have had a couple of dates. Save sexting and "crotch/boob shots" for someone who IS your BF.
Personally, I'd let this one back in the pond.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 February 2014):
I don't think it's a far jump from sexting to masturbating while talking (or phone sex), even if you hadn't agreed to it. What exactly did you think he was doing with the intimate texts/pictures?
If you are willing to have intimate conversations with a guy you barely know (and I don't 2 months of online and text/sexting equates knowing a person) maybe he was considering YOU masturbatory material (along with the pictures) more then he considered you a person.
You CHOOSE to have "intimate" conversations early on, before you had even been on a date. My guess is that he thought you were as much into it as he was.
HOWEVER, I do find that a bit nasty too.
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