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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i dont know whats wrong with me, but everytime a guy wants to get close to me (emotionally) i get scared and push away. it's happened to me with a number of guys, no matter what i do, it starts out great. we hang out and are friends, then he says he feels more for me....and i avoid him, no matter if i like him or not. i have had NO relationships in the past, have only had sex with ONE guy this past summer (a close friend, who took my virginity...and then told me he had feelings for me--yes, i ran from that too). im 21, and feel like theres no hope anymore. i've had no one hurt me, but i think i do have issues with abandonment because of my parents divorce and my dads new family. if thats what's wrong, PLEASE if you have any suggestions how to get over this, please let me know! thank you so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Hi, well I understand your pain and confusion over this as I suffer from this malady as well...and what I think is that you are a bit cautious, but that is not always a bad thing....perhaps at least some of the time you have pushed these men away from you emotionally because there were some deal breakers for you with having a serious relationship with them....as in drug or alcohol use that you were not comfortable with, or character flaws that turned you off, or perhaps you did not feel that right connection that you needed to get close.
I am not sure that this is anything that you need to get over, but just try to take a few steps back and get by yourself and think as to what it is that is scaring you off and if it is based in some important facts about these men, then your instincts are doing a good job of protecting you.
If it is just that you are afraid of getting scared, then just alow yourself to feel that fear, say something to the guy about it when you feel like pushing him away, and then take things at a pace you are comfortable with.
If you think you have some issue revolving around your parents divorce and your dad's new family that you have been unable to work through on your own, you may want to go talk to someone, a therapist, look for one that likes you and will listen to you and cares about you, don't get discouraged if the first one you find does not work out for you, just try on some others until you find a good fit.
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