A
female
age
51-59,
*izzhogg
writes:i have been married for less than two years, before that i was with my now husband for 7 years. everything was great until we got married apart from the few ups and downs,he just seemed to take me for granted spending time with his friends and on the computer til all hours, i used to tell him i feel lonely and unloved ,we stopped sleeping together etc.. then last year i met a man at work 12 years older than me, we became friends and went for drink ,listened to music, basically all the things i used to do with my husband, i really enjoy his company and we have fallen in love ! im so torn because i feel so guilty for having a good time with another man ,and i know its wrong because im married! i just dont know what to do . my husband knows how ive felt for such a long time ,but done nothing to try and save our marriage ,should i stay and waste my time and my life on someone who says he will not beg me to stay or have a happy life with someone who loves and is kind to me? please help me as i am going out of my mind with worry and dont want to hurt anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): would your hubby change his ways if he knew he had competition for your love and affection?Only if you have genuinely tried and have left no stone unturned in your attempt to get your marriage in order then walk away without the guilt. BUT you are cheating and what you are doing is so wrong. If you do not want your hubby anymore leave him so that perhaps he too will one day meet another person who will make him happy (as you have done with this other man). Unfortunately the more you lie and see this other man the more your hubby will be hurt in the end. I think you want to be with this other man (and that you have already made up your mind). This is not fair to your husband so please let him go. There is always 2 sides to every story - marriage is so much of hard work, perhaps you stopped trying after meeting this other man. Yes you feel excited, the thrill of being intimate but lets face it, your marriage started to be over for the past 12 months ever since you started cheating in your marriage. Let's call a spade a spade. If you know what you are doing is wrong then please release your husband or give up your lover. You need to make this decision asap so that the pain on all sides is lessened. I like the comments dr.2.b has made. If you want to salvage this marriage then please follow those suggestions. But please make a decision soon. Three lives (you, hubby, lover) will be affected.
A
female
reader, dr.2.be  +, writes (14 March 2009):
 It sounds like to me he is taking advantage of the fact that you two are now married which gives him the assurance you are to stay with him till death you part. Its nice to stay with your husband till death do you part but it doesnt need to be that way, especially if he did not truly love you in the first place. It sounds like to me that he may not be in love with you anymore and possibly didnt truly love you, considering he hasnt done anything the save the marriage=he doesnt care.Before you do anything such as separating, getting a divorce and being exclusive with this guy you like, sit down and talk to your husband once last time. Be brutally honest, blunt and express that you are considering leaving him since he doesnt show you the love anymore and doesnt seem to care about saving the marriage. Again suggest things to do to work the blips, the bumps and creases out, fill in the cracks and pave a new road for your marriage. Give him a month to improve his behavior towards you and acknowledge that you are an important part of his life. Suggest going out on some dates, doing fun stuff together like the old days and maybe look into counseling. If he shows absolutely no interest in you and not wanting to take part in these activities with you, it may be time to separate or divorce. Feel free to date your new guy freely after this time frame if he doesnt seem to care anymore.You deserve to live a happy life with someone who loves you but at the same time you need to be clear with your husband about your feelings and drill them into his head for one last time before you split up.Good Luck.
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