A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i dnt want to carry on!how do i get away from everything? everything being the situations in life. i really wish that i could start my life over again meet the same people but do different things i know this is impossible so how do i start afresh without loosing anyone in my life? there are so many things in my life that i regret, not getting the chance to say goodbye to my nan before she died, not listening and helping my sister when she needed me most, failing uni through being too proud to admit i needed help, falling for the wrong guy at xmas two years runnin - i now hate xmas! feeling tied to the job im in coz i cnt find another job n dnt want to leave the manager in the lurch!, falling out with past frends over something soo stupid, falling for the most amazing guy in work only to find out he has 10 million bags of baggage that im quite happy to accept and we get along soooo so well only for him to turn around and string me along! etc etc etc I know all of these things don't create the end of the world and many of you are thinking stop feeling sorry for yourself you are young and have plenty of time to turn these things around but the problem is whatever i do one of these things come back to haunt me! so just how do i start afresh without moving away from the family and friends that i love so much but get away from the regular day to day situations that bring back the memories and tortures of the things that i regret! pls dont come out with the cliche lifes to short for regrets because i know tht too but i cnt help the way i feel! i promise you all i have tried endlessly to turn my life back around but nothing seems to work! please help me i love my family and frends and dnt want to lose them! but i feel i am pushing them away quickly so not to hurt them by my actions! because everything i seem to touch lately turns to dust!!21 yr old female uk in need of help n advice! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): Nothing's easy, is it?
I think we can usually deal with our mistakes better when we truly just didn't know not to do something at the time.
Or at least I can, anyway. It's a mistake. You learn from it and you move on. You make amends with yourself by not making that mistake again.
I find that the huge regrets really come when I knew (or strongly suspected) that I was doing the wrong thing at the time but I still continued on with it.
It's the lying to myself that I can't live with. It usually happens when doing the REAL right thing was too difficult or painful at the time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Hinaaaaa! don't try and turn your life back around...REBUILD a new one inwardly. first mistake never look back with regret. if it can be rectified then do so, if not let it go, if you can not change it. You say you never got to say goodbye to your gran....then say HELLO if you believe in life after death , she will hear you. No cliches from me but i do believe i have the credentials to say life can be hard and the trick is look at negative with something positive...someone hurt you...you survived! can you pass these hard life experiences on to others? do you have life experiences and stories to INSPIRE others who walk in the same places as you have already walked?can they learn something from you? have you learnt something? or are you going to crumble and let life beat you? NO! i didn't think so. Never try and go backwards the past belongs in the past..if the present does not work then move forward but with strength and new vision. loose the victim illusion and be strong and make your gran even more proud of you than she already is,and you be proud of you for reaching a point where life is too heavy at the MOMENT but you are strong enough to pass through this phase onto the next. Life may not always be easy but you have to rely on your inner strength to bring you through hard times, to be a rock and not to roll. I hope you understand me? because i understand you! and life can be hard from birth onwards Fxxxxxx hard and often caused by others..but adopt a happy go lucky spirit and try and remember that we can change nobody but ourselves and how we react to problems and how we choose to perceive ourselves. You may well have the Midas touch.. everything you touch can turn to gold? ( cliche sorry )loose the DUST it belongs in the ground, it means nothing wipe it off your heavy shoulders and laugh at life and look it right in the eye and give a wink. Good luck and remember you don't always have to run away to change things because if you don't change your outlook it will follow you where ever you go. Stay and brave it find your warrior spirit.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (21 August 2008):
 I'm pretty sure you well know this, but all of us make mistakes we completely regret. I also regret not having said "I love you" to my grandma before she died. I also regret for letting my temper get the best of me in some situations.
You don't have to leave your friends and family to start anew. That would probably just make things worse. Please, don't leave them.
What you could start doing is taking time on doing stuff. When you're in a relationship, don't rush things. Also, try to always think this "I should treat people on the way I want to be treated". If you keep on thinking this, you will probably start regretting less things. If you had this in mind when your sister needed you, then you would probably had acted upon it.
Now, I know you may feel extremely disapointed for failing uni, but it doesn't mean that it would be the worst. The reality of the world out there is that the ones who win are the ones who use their wit. I always put Steve Jobbs as an example to those who have had to leave Uni for one reason or another. Steve Jobbs dropped out of college (university) because he couldn't pay for it, but through his wits and sweat, he invented the Apple computer and the Apple corporation. All without a college degree.
Also, it would help greatly if you took more innitiative in your life. You may hate your job a lot, but have you done anything to get out of it? Take the innitiative on looking for a new job now that you think you may like. You don't loose anything for looking! And when you have gotten your new job secure, then tell your boss everything you've been holding back. You won't lose ANYTHING.
Another thing I would recommend is for you to seek therapy. It would help you cope better with your problems and probably find you the root of why you act certain ways and help you set them right. Now, this is only a suggested solution, but it would be god if you get it.
And to get closer to your family and friends, you have to seek them. Go up to your friends, and if you've done them wrong, ask for forgiveness. The same thing goes for your family. Once you've approached them, be for them when they need you. Also, once you have done them a favor, don't expect anything back. Do it because you want to, not because you want something back.
I hope this has helped you, at least a little bit. Good luck with everything.
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