A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy 7 months ago on a social networking site. He's younger than me by 5 years. We talk all the time, we have times where we lose contact. Which is usually when make plans to meet up and he flakes and leaves me hanging. Despite him doing that to me 3 times already. I still like him tremendously. He's my heart I can talk to him about anything and vice versa. I can't figure out why he's shaky about seeing me. This time around when we're talking he sent me pictures of himself. He had on a sweater that I liked so I google the name on the front of the hoodie. And low and behold it's his clothing line. This guy has his own clothing line and upon further digging I found out he's an up and coming rapper doing very well for his self. Everything he told me about his self is a lie. I'm mad and hurt. My friends think I'm blowing things out of proportion but I feel otherwise. Like he's not the person I thought he was. What he has means nothing to me because I can do for myself but why couldn't he tell me the truth? I feel like everything was a lie and I want to confront him. Should I? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2012):
 You feel how you feel, I'm just asking why you have put so much faith and trust in a guy you've never laid eyes on, and who isn't doing anything to clear up that mystery. It suggests you are rather vulnerable and a bit naive. Your friends, who care about you, think you are blowing things out of proportion. You asked strangers on the internet if you should get to the bottom of the lies. We told you that you may be out ahead of yourself.
You asked if you should confront him. Why not? Ask him why he lies to you. I just wouldn't put too much credence in whatever he says. All you know about him is he's a guy with a online profile who is good at uploading photos. Whether they are his or not is still an open question.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 August 2012):
 Sometimes I think sometimes people lie because deep down they want to hide something about themselves OR they lack confidence to say who they are due to consequences they perceive might result if they told the truth about themselves.
Once he trusts you enough, if you want to still keep talking to him, then maybe he will come to trust you enough to tell you the truth?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd yes I googled him I don't care. Even if I meet a man on the street id google him to. I like to know who I'm dealing with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone and thanks for the unbiased opinions. Just to clarify a few things he's never actually had me meet him somewhere and not show up. He'd just cancel. I entertained the thought of him not bein the person in the pics but I highly doubt it. I've stopped talking to him for a few days so I can process everything, and I still don't know. I've been looking at his blog and I have pics of him that just recently made it on his blog. We trade pics on the regular. No one can tell me how I'm suppose to feel about him. Yes we met online but we talk on the phone for hours on end. Web cam also. I just don'tknow why the lies.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 August 2012):
good point Candid Cally.
I hadn't even thought that he could have put someone else's picture as alleged to be him.
He may even idolize the said rapper but be nothing like him in real life.
Look at his actions, not the idealized view of him that you have created in your mind.
If he used the photo of someone else, Now that would be dishonest. If he has just been telling you what he thinks you want to hear, but it's not the truth, then I'd suggest drop him
Because he could be so different to the picture he used.
I think the advice from Tisha is spot on as far as try to meet real people, in real life, face to face. Then it is easier to see the glaring holes in their story before you make up your mind about them
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 August 2012):
You haven't met him and he's your heart? Wow. You are putting a great deal of your emotions into a guy you haven't even laid eyes on. You have to resort to Googling him to "learn" about him....
Take about five huge steps back. Pause. Examine the situation with clear eyes. The only thing you know about this guy is that he is capable of making an online user profile. That's it. That's all you know, in the end. The rest is fluffery, imagination, electronic words. That's not a lot.
I'd just let this one evaporate back into the ether of the social networking site dumping ground. "Unfriend" and try to spend time with people in real life. That will help keep you grounded.
Your friends want what is best for you. Spend a little time listening to them and less time on putting hopes and dreams into a social networking site's construct.
Be well.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Maybe he's "shaky" about seeing you because he can't find a way to fit that in to his other life - the one with a wife and children - without being questioned (and, maybe, challenged) about it?????
Men who have something to hide make lousy partners, in the long run...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 He obviously wants to be certain people like him for who he is and not what he has or what he can do for them. And if he's announced all this at the beginning you might have thought he was just bragging and not trusted him. He handled that the right way in my opinion.
Honestly, what is the matter with you?
You're coming across here as clingy, incredibly insecure, demanding and desperate. He 'flaked' and left you hanging not once, not twice but THREE times and you come back for more. What do you want from him that you'll tolerate being treated that way? Why shouldn't he be wary of you?
If he is 5 years younger, that puts his age at 21-24. Has it not ocurred to you that while he may enjoy your company he also has other plans and isn't ready for an exclusive life long relationship yet?
He is not YOUR heart. He doesn't belong to you. He is his own person with his own boundaries, his own uncertainties, his own need for safety, his own goals and dreams. And his own life. He doesn't exist just to fill that void in yours.
Bloody well smarten up. If you want people to treat you well then you must earn their respect. You're not entitled to it just because you flatter them.
Create standards, set limits and learn to live by them.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (4 August 2012):
Most likely, he does not want to meet up with you because he is not the person he is pretending to be. Most likely, he is someone who copied pictured of the rapper from google and is using them.
Some people use the internet to deceive others. If you have never seen real-time video of this guy (like skype) and have never met him in person he is probably not who he says he is. Heck, he could even be a woman pretending to be a man. Please be careful.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (4 August 2012):
Maybe he just gets sick of false people going after him for who he is and what he has.
False people and people who just tell him what they think he wants to hear.
I imagine he has liked your honesty.
He wanted to see if someone could like him just for who he wants to be seen as.
And I suspect that often his commitments and his business intrude into things. His life may be far busier than he reveals. But I suspect he has really enjoyed your generosity of spirit and your intelligence.
And you have got to know him. He has no doubt revealed things about the inner man that he does not feel like revealing to the people around him who butter him up with false compliments.
Try to go in calmly about this as clearly a connection exists. But tell him that you value honesty so much that you would like him to be more honest with you.
I think you may feel regretful later if you just cut him off so decisively. But it is still your call. and the decision you make will be the one, after all things considered, that is most aligned with your values.
Good luck with this
regards
Abella
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