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Everything has been OK until I found out he was cheating. I forgave him but he acts distant now, how can we solve this?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 March 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2008)
A female South Africa age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been dating this guy for 6 months.He is divorced with one kid.His job requires him to travel a lot within and outside the country. Everything has been going on okay until i found out he was cheating.

He went away for a seminar and apprantly hooked up with one lady who worked at the lodge and they had sex.When he returned he was acting strange, i monitored him for a week until i decided to check his phone.I found texts from the lady(she sent them that very day)saying she was embarrased that they had sex the first date but she was looking forward to seeing him again.This hurt me a lot and i confronted him about it.As usual he acted up and tried to shift the blame on me. I was very dispponited an never expected him to behave this way. I left him to brood over his guilt.The next day he called that he wanted to speak with me of which he apologized for his actions.i told him i would tolerate his behaviour and that he gets his acts right.He left for a another seminar for 3 days he kept contact and was his normal self.The following day after he returned he never called me.When i called him he sounded so distant.he later sent me text saying he was sorry for being quiet but he needed to be alone.i don't understand what that meant.i really love this guy, i forgave him for his mistakes and i think he should pull himself together if he was really sorry for what he did.What should i do?i know we can work things out but i don't know how to approach the whole thing.

View related questions: divorce, text

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A female reader, Miss Potter United Kingdom +, writes (10 March 2008):

Miss Potter agony auntHi, it sounds like he cheated again and didnt want to face you straight away. Youve been only dating for 6 months and hes "already" cheating on you. thats not a good sign at all! If he loved you he wouldnt cheat on you. It cant be just you making all the effort all the time. Try to distance yourself from him for a while, hes an adult and hes not going to change, but I think you will benifit from being on your own and having time to analyse his behaviour. Having a cheating guy and forgiving him isnt healthy. Good luck x

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (10 March 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntGive him some time to sort out that mess .

He could be confused and unstabilized in his thoughts and emotions.

Just be loving and uncritical of him.

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